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FML with : bacon

Number of results : 36

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

#21459209
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24557) - you deserved it (7688)

On 08/22/2015 at 6:18am - intimacy - by fuck no (woman) - India (Kerala)

Today, I woke up feeling awful and decided to make myself a nice egg omelette with bacon, toast and fresh fruit. As I went to eat it, I stubbed my toe and dropped it all on the floor. My dogs were very happy about that. FML

#21312082
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30840) - you deserved it (3186)

On 12/05/2014 at 4:00pm - misc - by Dani (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

#21247445
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39445) - you deserved it (5447)

On 08/28/2014 at 9:47pm - love - by ch4nny (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

#21219985
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20402) - you deserved it (53022)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:05am - animals - by fuckendog (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I heard my son say, "I don't want any bacon with my eggs". Where did I go wrong? FML

#21187679
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56749) - you deserved it (18766)

On 06/25/2014 at 8:30am - kids - by failed dad (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML

#20936378
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29523) - you deserved it (43711)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:58am - love - by BaconLover - Japan

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

#20908563
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46100) - you deserved it (8346)

On 10/05/2013 at 4:23pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

#20894470
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50713) - you deserved it (4561)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Undercooked (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

#20741232
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53874) - you deserved it (12431)

On 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found a pound of cooked bacon in the dryer. When I asked my roommate about it, he confessed; his excuse was that he wanted to dry up the grease before eating it. FML

Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML

#20544221
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37362) - you deserved it (9286)

On 03/15/2013 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

#20134676
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34377) - you deserved it (2028)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:14pm - animals - by birthday girl (woman) - Australia

Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML

#20089182
395 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31253) - you deserved it (5536)

On 09/26/2012 at 2:57am - misc - by bacon lovers worst nightmare - United States (California)

Today, I bought some perfume that I thought smelled absolutely amazing. Later, my boyfriend walked in, sniffed, and said, "What smells like bacon?" The bottle cost $83. They won't take a refund. FML

#20050522
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18998) - you deserved it (8783)

On 08/31/2012 at 3:06am - misc - by baconlady (woman) - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

#19959638
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27724) - you deserved it (5955)

On 07/19/2012 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by cortanaisahobot - Canada (Ontario)



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