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FML with : baby

Number of results : 338

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27622) - you deserved it (3744)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I drove alone for the first time since I passed my test. I kept getting weird looks from other drivers and got pulled over by a cop. He said I was clearly underage and was sure my license was fake. Almost half an hour later, he finally let me go. I hate having a baby-face. FML

#21359872
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30402) - you deserved it (2275)

On 02/20/2015 at 3:00pm - misc - by all tweened out (man) - Canada

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

#21355574
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34613) - you deserved it (2908)

On 02/13/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML

#21355556
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34459) - you deserved it (2324)

On 02/13/2015 at 8:43pm - misc - by DumbFace714 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the local park for some romantic time together. By the time we left, I'd been called a pedo and a cradle robber, and been given several dirty looks. I'm 31. My boyfriend is 30 and just very baby-faced. FML

#21345623
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29309) - you deserved it (2360)

On 01/28/2015 at 2:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML

#21342658
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29216) - you deserved it (3746)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:33am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life". I'm 26 and just very short. FML

#21341527
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39870) - you deserved it (2216)

On 01/21/2015 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had numerous calls from people saying they need a baby sitter, because "they know I wasn't invited anywhere". FML

#21328036
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28531) - you deserved it (2194)

On 12/31/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Yeah-It's-Just-Me - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

#21322698
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37399) - you deserved it (3904)

On 12/23/2014 at 1:32pm - love - by both are dimwitted - United States (California)

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

#21314190
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30969) - you deserved it (2397)

On 12/09/2014 at 12:45am - misc - by mn167109 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while shopping, a lady came up to me and asked if she could borrow my baby because, "Y'know, I'm in a hurry and they'll let me checkout first." FML

#21297177
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32352) - you deserved it (2243)

On 11/11/2014 at 6:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - France

Today, I found out that there's a very loud and frisky couple living above my bedroom, and a family with a crying baby living above my living room. At this rate, I'll end up sleeping in the bathtub in my own home. FML

#21288322
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29714) - you deserved it (2300)

On 10/30/2014 at 10:15am - misc - by ineedsleep (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35639) - you deserved it (3737)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with my crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again FML

#21276854
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35181) - you deserved it (3226)

On 10/13/2014 at 11:42am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was boxing up all my brother's old stuff to take to the attic. I came across a box, and without checking what was inside, I took it up, just to have it fall on my head, to then find out it was filled with dead baby hamsters. FML

#21276741
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34778) - you deserved it (3229)

On 10/13/2014 at 4:13am - animals - by MissBeyoncé - Namibia (Windhoek)



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