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FML with : boner

Number of results : 49

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

#21446710
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27237) - you deserved it (4717)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by strangely - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally texted the girl I like, "Oh god, I just choked on a boner." I meant bone. FML

#21442630
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24253) - you deserved it (4289)

On 07/16/2015 at 3:22pm - misc - by Boneo and Juliet - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I realised that my boyfriend gets a boner every time I cry. FML

Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML

#21437372
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25927) - you deserved it (6617)

On 07/06/2015 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by notacreep - United States (California)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

#21436148
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28058) - you deserved it (3716)

On 07/04/2015 at 1:02am - intimacy - by alison (woman) - United States

Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML

#21418416
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29901) - you deserved it (4564)

On 05/31/2015 at 3:06am - intimacy - by bonehead69 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML

#21310722
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21144) - you deserved it (41393)

On 12/03/2014 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting to second base with a really hot guy, but I couldn't stop laughing when he said my boobs were "soft like cake." He got so embarrassed that he lost his boner. FML

#21303170
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36399) - you deserved it (10678)

On 11/21/2014 at 4:56am - intimacy - by weirdthingtosay (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML

#21252510
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42468) - you deserved it (7071)

On 09/05/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Perdito_Coño (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48896) - you deserved it (18952)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

#21237831
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55470) - you deserved it (5646)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by emmamrose7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

#21111270
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44459) - you deserved it (6649)

On 04/12/2014 at 5:01pm - animals - by princess (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

#20928358
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43088) - you deserved it (3320)

On 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm - kids - by momaaa1342 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML

#20899471
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62041) - you deserved it (7265)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by :( (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

#20766909
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48903) - you deserved it (19608)

On 07/06/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by BlueB (man) - United States



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