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FML with : pee

Number of results : 625

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

#21282761
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16895) - you deserved it (1951)

On 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29910) - you deserved it (14846)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

#21272641
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34398) - you deserved it (9137)

On 10/07/2014 at 7:33am - misc - by Waterfalls (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peeing, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML

#21262000
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34206) - you deserved it (2391)

On 09/20/2014 at 7:39pm - misc - by rabid_otaku - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving to the DMV to take a test, after getting some points removed from my license. On the way there, I got a speeding ticket and got my license suspended completely. FML

#21256258
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17254) - you deserved it (46429)

On 09/11/2014 at 11:44am - misc - by hockusa3 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to go to a public restroom. I have anxiety problems and can't go unless I'm the only one in the room. Another girl came in right after me, and I was waiting for her to leave. She was also waiting. After a while, I left first and had to hold my pee for a few more hours. FML

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

#21231132
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37753) - you deserved it (2589)

On 08/06/2014 at 6:18pm - kids - by whymyroomthough (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

#21229021
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43411) - you deserved it (4550)

On 08/04/2014 at 1:42am - health - by Ew?Really? (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

#21222166
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37584) - you deserved it (4806)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - Germany (Hessen)

Today, I got the, "It's not you, it's me" speech for the third breakup in a row. I'm beginning to think that they may not be entirely telling me the truth. FML

#21217897
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40611) - you deserved it (6355)

On 07/23/2014 at 12:09am - love - by swiggityswooty - United States (California)

Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

#21217633
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21242) - you deserved it (49867)

On 07/22/2014 at 7:20pm - health - by dypshyyt - United States (Florida)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

#21216216
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33459) - you deserved it (20846)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was on the internet playing a game. I have a speech impediment, and the guy running it told me to get off his server for making fun of disabled people. FML

#21199175
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45700) - you deserved it (3781)

On 07/05/2014 at 1:37am - misc - by Wow (man) - United States (California)

Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML

#21188726
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45432) - you deserved it (5105)

On 06/26/2014 at 12:57am - animals - by Pisser (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while waiting for the start of a concert, the man behind me decided to pee into a cup. Then the cup tipped over and drained all down my leg. FML



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