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FML with : condom
Number of results : 130
Today, while trying to calm down my four-year-old son who had a tantrum in a store, a man walked up to me and said, "You couldn't have worn the condom?" FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML
Today, while I was at home watching Netflix, my parents drunkenly stumbled through the door making out the whole time. I thought that the situation couldn't get worse, but then my Dad asked me if I had a condom they could use. FML
Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML
Today, was my first experience having sex. It was also my first experience with a condom breaking. FML
Today, I found out that, given the correct velocity, a used condom can actually fly through a tiny window and slap you on the leg. I also found out that when you go to the window to yell at the perpetrator, they might have more ammunition. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML
Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML