FML with : fat

Number of results : 977

Today, I noticed my cat was making a loud weezing noise when trying to breathe, so I rushed him to the vet's. $250.00 worth of tests later, he's fine. Just really fat. FML

by just-a-fat-cat / 05/02/2016 at 11:25pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, because her military father, who doesn't like me, continuously threatened my safety for dating her. Now he's threatening to kill me for dumping her. I can't win. FML

by send the army please / 05/02/2016 at 2:51am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I met my birth father for the first time. The first thing he told me was that if I ever get arrested, I should give him a call so his guys on the inside can look after me. I don't think there's going to be a second meeting. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2016 at 7:22pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while watching home videos with my family, I saw a clip of me as an infant attempting to breast feed from my father while he laughed uncontrollably. Now, my son keeps sneaking his baby brother's head under my shirt while I'm asleep. The last time he actually began to suckle. FML

by Nasty / 04/25/2016 at 12:59pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my boyfriend said he was no longer sexually attracted to me. He then followed that with, "But don't worry, it's not because you're fat." FML

by notjustfat / 04/20/2016 at 7:24pm / United States / Love

Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2016 at 11:59am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I wasn't going to be a father. My best friend is going to be the father to my girlfriend's child, though. FML

by zefronke8 / 04/17/2016 at 2:01pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my father stumbled upon the quickest way to get me out of bed in the morning: ripping out my nose stud. FML

by cactusfears / 04/02/2016 at 3:48pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my drunk dad told me I'm smart enough that any guy could overlook the fact that I'm fat, but not smart enough that they could overlook how ugly I am. Gee, thanks. FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2016 at 8:27am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2016 at 11:58am / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my father informed me that I will have no chance of dating a good man if I keep up with these interracial relationships. And that he won't be supporting me through college if I continue this "rebellion." My boyfriend is half black and loves the same music, sports, and movies as my dad. FML

by katiebird / 03/16/2016 at 4:51pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML

by porkers gonna pork :\ / 03/12/2016 at 10:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my father informed me that he plans to play a drum solo instead of making a speech at my wedding. And yes, he IS completely serious. FML

by DrumrollPlease / 03/10/2016 at 8:59pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, at a family dinner, I found the courage to tell my husband's parents about my schizophrenia. They exchanged weird looks and then there was an uncomfortable silence. Then my father-in-law finally says, "Christ. The grandkids won't come out all nutty, right?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2016 at 1:54pm / United Kingdom (Cumbria) / Health

Today, my father complained to me about his lack of money. He makes twice as much as me, and doesn't pay rent, electricity or water. FML

by estrelladam / 03/08/2016 at 3:52pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Money