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FML with : fat

Number of results : 812

Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML

#21209874
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43676) - you deserved it (9481)

On 07/15/2014 at 4:37pm - love - by Jeff - United States

Today, we finished a sit-up test at school. I had been training for the athletic tests, so I was proud of my score. When someone asked what I got and I shared, proud, they responded with, "I bet it helps that your fat bounces you back up." FML

#21205700
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40909) - you deserved it (3773)

On 07/11/2014 at 2:04am - health - by Useless training - United States (Illinois)

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML

#21190580
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40800) - you deserved it (7082)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by keelah (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML

#21188726
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44904) - you deserved it (4796)

On 06/26/2014 at 12:57am - animals - by Pisser (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to marry me and be the father of my children. Five minutes later, he told me he wants to experience death. FML

#21188654
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41493) - you deserved it (4309)

On 06/26/2014 at 12:03am - love - by Anon (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it became apparent that my father knows more about my boyfriend than I do because he spends so much time interrogating him. FML

#21186073
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39703) - you deserved it (4692)

On 06/24/2014 at 12:35am - love - by over prtective father (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, the girl who broke up with me and disappeared 6 years ago wished me a happy Father's Day. FML

#21176638
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50340) - you deserved it (5449)

On 06/16/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by IneedMaury (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML

#21175721
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34049) - you deserved it (3249)

On 06/15/2014 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

#21166299
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46419) - you deserved it (4418)

On 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm - health - by wish his dad had worn one (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, in the fitting rooms at work, a 10-year-old kid threw a coat-hanger directly at my face. The kid's father didn't apologise on his behalf, but instead congratulated him on what he called "a wicked shot". FML

#21162381
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42761) - you deserved it (3576)

On 06/04/2014 at 1:07am - work - by anonymous - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I got married. My father saw this as a good time to give some solemn, heartfelt advice to my new husband: "That ring gets real heavy fast." I was standing right there. So was my mother. FML

#21160325
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40727) - you deserved it (3803)

On 06/02/2014 at 10:00am - love - by CorCelesti (woman) - United States

Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML

#21155774
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43910) - you deserved it (5038)

On 05/29/2014 at 11:18am - kids - by bananna - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

#21152005
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44852) - you deserved it (4853)

On 05/26/2014 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

#21146270
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53144) - you deserved it (4342)

On 05/20/2014 at 1:27pm - misc - by Q - United States

Today, my cat decided to hide in the garbage can so he could get a free trip outside, but was too fat to climb all of the way inside of it. He got stuck half-way in. It took me ten minutes to get him out. FML



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