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FML with : cock

Number of results : 52

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

#21452247
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25287) - you deserved it (2240)

On 08/05/2015 at 1:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML

#21405973
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34371) - you deserved it (5141)

On 05/06/2015 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by dadoftheyear (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend took off my pants for the first time. She was more impressed by the pattern on my boxers than by my cock. FML

#21370915
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33800) - you deserved it (6570)

On 03/09/2015 at 1:13am - intimacy - by fruitoftheloom - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for another girl, via a text message ending with "No hard feelings. Well xcept 4 my cock obvs. ;)" Fuck you, Rick. FML

#21365892
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34315) - you deserved it (2588)

On 03/01/2015 at 1:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

#21334608
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36298) - you deserved it (2684)

On 01/10/2015 at 5:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

#21304429
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41732) - you deserved it (5196)

On 11/23/2014 at 11:34am - intimacy - by 404: fuck not given (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML

#21296653
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33435) - you deserved it (4330)

On 11/11/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by mouthwash - United States (Ohio)

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

#21225778
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40360) - you deserved it (7226)

On 07/31/2014 at 12:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML

#21088206
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43846) - you deserved it (3897)

On 03/16/2014 at 2:53pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

#21083945
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44945) - you deserved it (6507)

On 03/11/2014 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by littlefinger (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

#21045897
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47802) - you deserved it (7062)

On 01/31/2014 at 1:16am - intimacy - by CatBlock (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML

#21006441
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41527) - you deserved it (4262)

On 12/26/2013 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by NNTA (woman) - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML

#21005375
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36257) - you deserved it (2760)

On 12/25/2013 at 7:45pm - money - by Sophies (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

#20993322
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37211) - you deserved it (3255)

On 12/15/2013 at 12:18pm - misc - by ANONYMOUS -_- (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I misplaced my phone at small house party. I found it later, but not before being called a sick bastard by my crush. It seems one of my "friends" sent her a cock pic with my phone, and now she wants nothing to do with me. FML

#20990280
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43404) - you deserved it (5076)

On 12/12/2013 at 4:01pm - love - by spastic hardon (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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