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FML with : dick

Number of results : 93

Today, I found out how painful it is to static shock the tip of your dick. FML

#21525225
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13129) - you deserved it (3797)

On 02/11/2016 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by Electro (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

#21517065
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17018) - you deserved it (6056)

On 01/19/2016 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by xsnqw - United States (California)

Today, my dick of a roommate was moving out. She didn't actually tell us she was moving out and took the wifi, modem and all, while my other roommate was on a Skype call and I was watching a show. All with no warning. It's Saturday, I have an online assignment due Sunday. FML

#21516189
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19123) - you deserved it (2055)

On 01/17/2016 at 8:59am - misc - by slightlyfamous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had to listen to my brother whine yet again about being single and how unfair it is. This is a guy who owns an "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt and has more than once referred to women as "vaginas with a person attached". Last time I called him out for being such a dick, I got punched. FML

#21510935
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24362) - you deserved it (1732)

On 01/03/2016 at 9:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

#21509335
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23274) - you deserved it (4809)

On 12/30/2015 at 10:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, HR sent a review email to me asking me to anonymously tell them about my boss. I decided to use this opportunity to tell them what a dick he was. I printed off the review, filled it out, then scanned and emailed it to myself. Or so I thought. Turns out I'd sent the review to my boss. FML

#21498760
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18212) - you deserved it (17227)

On 11/30/2015 at 11:01pm - work - by jobless (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML

#21496296
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25820) - you deserved it (2671)

On 11/24/2015 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Zug)

Today, I was invited to my friend's wedding. I wouldn't mind, but she chose her now fiancé over me, despite him being in prison for assault, a heroin addict and a general dick. This was all because I accidentally called her stupid three years ago. FML

#21486098
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22023) - you deserved it (3438)

On 10/30/2015 at 9:27am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (East Lothian)

Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML

#21483245
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25545) - you deserved it (3565)

On 10/23/2015 at 12:05am - work - by Embarrassed ass. (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

#21475230
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9893) - you deserved it (27943)

On 10/02/2015 at 1:49am - health - by balls (man) - United States (California)

Today, a guy kept flirting with me despite all my hints for him to kindly fuck off and die, so I lied and said I'm a lesbian. This didn't stop him. It got so bad, I had to claim I was born with a dick and say that's why I like girls. Only then did he say "Eeewww..." and back off. FML

#21472629
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24520) - you deserved it (2428)

On 09/25/2015 at 3:56pm - love - by Thai that on for size (woman) - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, I made it onto my boss's shit-list, after pointing out that he'd misspelled "customer" as "costumer" 6 times in his report, and "college education" as "collage education" twice. It'd be a dick move on his part even if making corrections like this weren't part of my damn job. FML

#21469127
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22496) - you deserved it (1574)

On 09/16/2015 at 9:42am - work - by anda1000douchesscourthispostformistakes (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I saw a dick for the first time in my life, on the early morning crowded train headed for work. FML

#21465627
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28216) - you deserved it (2651)

On 09/07/2015 at 10:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend has been sulking like a moody kid all day, all because I won't set my phone background to a picture of his dick. FML

#21464487
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25639) - you deserved it (2995)

On 09/04/2015 at 11:58am - intimacy - by natalyV (woman) -

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

#21464483
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24744) - you deserved it (1470)

On 09/04/2015 at 11:48am - health - by ACCCHHHOOOO!!!!!!!!! -_- (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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