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FML with : dick

Number of results : 78

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

#21462923
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22873) - you deserved it (1721)

On 08/31/2015 at 9:16am - intimacy - by FuckThis (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I was invited to a fancy-shmancy charity event, and the host - my friend - told me to wear a long, ballroom, fancy gown. Turns out my friend was just being a dick and it was a pool party. I spent $200 on my hair and makeup alone. FML

#21429755
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25902) - you deserved it (4382)

On 06/21/2015 at 8:50pm - misc - by ssondik - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28666) - you deserved it (2316)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

#21414033
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28329) - you deserved it (4666)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML

#21386448
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28752) - you deserved it (2756)

On 04/02/2015 at 10:21am - misc - by King.Dick. (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

#21382277
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29471) - you deserved it (3820)

On 03/27/2015 at 5:51am - work - by mareecasellafml (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, it was the day my catheter was to be removed. The nurse removing it deflated the balloon, and then tried pulling it out. After me screaming in extreme pain, she found out she hadn't actually deflated the balloon all the way. She was trying to pull a small balloon through my dick hole. FML

#21362632
115 comments

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29973) - you deserved it (25150)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27425) - you deserved it (55035)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45718) - you deserved it (29178)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

#21234068
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36024) - you deserved it (9344)

On 08/10/2014 at 2:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

#21180513
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48114) - you deserved it (7968)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:33am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after having asked me out on Monday, the guy I like angrily cancelled our date because I "hadn't bothered" even talking to him for "several days". One day. You didn't hear from me on Monday. It's now Tuesday. That's one day, dick. FML

#21169704
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47856) - you deserved it (6399)

On 06/10/2014 at 2:29pm - love - by fartbucket51995129565 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend started his first day of work with me. I thought it'd be fun, but he's been putting on an obnoxious fake French accent and saying "merde" whenever anything goes wrong. Half the women at the office want his dick, and I'm still as single as ever. FML

#21150394
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44986) - you deserved it (5770)

On 05/24/2014 at 4:44pm - work - by thankssiren (man) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)



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