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FML with : call of duty

Number of results : 593

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

#21115090
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3970) - you deserved it (281)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML

#21112406
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29856) - you deserved it (4465)

On 04/13/2014 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was given a call home, a 3-day-suspension, and a week of detention in school for a "serious violation of the code of conduct." Said violation? Jogging in the middle of the hall. FML

#21107042
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34448) - you deserved it (3670)

On 04/07/2014 at 7:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML

#21105694
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35435) - you deserved it (4069)

On 04/06/2014 at 2:57am - misc - by FaceTime issues - United States (Arizona)

Today, while on patrol with my partner, we came across a guy getting a beat-down on the sidewalk. After restraining the attacker, we helped the victim to his feet, only for him to spit at us and call us "goddamn pigs". You're welcome, sir. FML

#21101111
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38837) - you deserved it (3549)

On 03/31/2014 at 4:07pm - work - by dunno why we bother (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML

#21086436
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31961) - you deserved it (4914)

On 03/14/2014 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was snowing. After answering a call, I put my phone into my jacket pocket, and hurried across the road. I quickly realised my phone hadn't slipped into my pocket after all, and I turned around in time to see a snowplow go by. I couldn't find my phone in the snowdrifts. FML

#21081494
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37443) - you deserved it (5518)

On 03/08/2014 at 4:43pm - misc - by shoopbadeewoop (man) -

Today, I left a message for a potential employer. It wasn't until after I'd hung up that I realized I'd given them their own phone number to call me back at. Not getting that job. FML

Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML

#21075933
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41059) - you deserved it (6278)

On 03/02/2014 at 2:09pm - money - by Ms. Piggy (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I wanted to pretend to have a seizure so my baby sister could know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she decided to drink my soda instead of helping me. FML

#21071750
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35756) - you deserved it (13725)

On 02/25/2014 at 10:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom and I flew three hours from Wyoming to a volleyball camp in Kentucky. When we arrived, we went to the volleyball center and told them I was there for the volleyball camp. They told me it had been cancelled two weeks ago and they forgot to call us. FML

#21066263
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47134) - you deserved it (3194)

On 02/20/2014 at 3:57am - health - by maddengirl12 (woman) - United States

Today, the parent of a student called to ask me about a homework assignment. At the end of the call, she told me that I seem to be losing my "Asian accent" from when she first talked to me in the summer. I was born in the US, grew up in NJ and speak perfect English. FML

#21063588
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33483) - you deserved it (2652)

On 02/17/2014 at 5:41pm - work - by kdubz23 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML

#21057082
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39203) - you deserved it (6108) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/11/2014 at 5:01am - work - by norina (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML

#21037484
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36985) - you deserved it (20298)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44399) - you deserved it (8167)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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