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FML with : penis

Number of results : 254

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

#21314853
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27180) - you deserved it (6692)

On 12/10/2014 at 3:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

#21279390
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37810) - you deserved it (5923)

On 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm - love - by highfive - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35576) - you deserved it (3733)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after a solid month of hard work, I finally finished modeling and animating a 3D insect character for a scene. After presenting it to the rest of my team, one of my teammates pointed out that it looks exactly like a flying penis. FML

#21263953
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29460) - you deserved it (5113)

On 09/23/2014 at 5:12pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

#21259205
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28658) - you deserved it (4126)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:31am - kids - by HeIsKindaRightTho (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML

Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML

#21236507
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37522) - you deserved it (3421)

On 08/13/2014 at 7:33am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, due to a hammer-related incident, instead of receiving glass ornaments as gifts from my trip to Venice, my friends will be receiving novelty postcards of Michelangelo's David's penis. FML

Today, I had to take a splinter out of my eight year old son's penis. FML

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

#21174074
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45213) - you deserved it (6496)

On 06/14/2014 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I used a public toilet. After I did my business in the stall and walked out, I was confronted by the sight of a man standing on tip-toes, holding his penis up to the automatic hand-dryer. Doubt I'll get that image out of my head any time soon. FML

#21166318
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46976) - you deserved it (4710)

On 06/07/2014 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by yepintheladiesroom (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

#21149418
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41225) - you deserved it (4138)

On 05/23/2014 at 5:25pm - misc - by idontevencareanymore (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

#21118643
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48621) - you deserved it (7072)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Iowa)

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53791) - you deserved it (6849)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my Game of Thrones addicted girlfriend decided to name my penis Tyrion Lannister. FML

#21101155
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41600) - you deserved it (6816)

On 03/31/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by off to the whorehouse, then (man) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)



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