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FML with : penis

Number of results : 271

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25502) - you deserved it (1994)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

#21411971
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30284) - you deserved it (2909)

On 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML

#21406339
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27695) - you deserved it (2960)

On 05/07/2015 at 5:56pm - misc - by Martine624 - Netherlands

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

#21402047
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31253) - you deserved it (9728)

On 04/29/2015 at 10:25pm - intimacy - by MiniJeans - United States (Florida)

Today, while going down on my boyfriend, I must have gotten a little too enthusiastic because I ripped my tongue's frenulum. We then awkwardly went into the bathroom. While he was washing the blood off his penis, I was hung over the toilet bowl puking because blood makes me woozy. FML

Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML

#21366785
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24376) - you deserved it (11857)

On 03/02/2015 at 7:48pm - misc - by Microtron - United States (Ohio)

Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML

#21366308
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31138) - you deserved it (2575)

On 03/02/2015 at 12:14am - intimacy - by dickofbrokendreams - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

#21364983
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34360) - you deserved it (4979)

On 02/28/2015 at 12:03am - intimacy - by FreshDonuts (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

#21362166
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37663) - you deserved it (3261)

On 02/23/2015 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by sammy18f (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

#21350665
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29995) - you deserved it (5129)

On 02/05/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by Milked Richard (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

#21349904
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37443) - you deserved it (4238)

On 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by MIB thingy please... (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that my 2-year-old brother is afraid of his own penis. Whenever he doesn't have a diaper on, he screams, cries and yells, "Ew". FML

#21347945
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30084) - you deserved it (2458)

On 02/01/2015 at 7:43pm - health - by okseñoryoucrazy - United States (Washington)

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML

#21347765
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25964) - you deserved it (2419)

On 02/01/2015 at 1:13pm - health - by Why's it so cold in here? - United States

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

#21342844
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26805) - you deserved it (3226)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:46am - intimacy - by LD - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's her ex's name. FML

#21341448
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33469) - you deserved it (2668)

On 01/21/2015 at 3:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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