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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FML with : fml

Number of results : 27865

Today, same as every other night, I sat in my car outside my home, just to avoid going inside. I live alone. FML

#21267816
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (624) - you deserved it (90)

On 09/29/2014 at 6:04pm - love - by inmycar - United States (New York)

Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML

#21267748
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16008) - you deserved it (1277)

On 09/29/2014 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML

#21267650
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17778) - you deserved it (1689)

On 09/29/2014 at 12:48pm - health - by impure - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML

#21267623
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15707) - you deserved it (2563)

On 09/29/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my insomnia wins. I'm too wired and awake to sleep, but too stoned on my sleeping pills to get up and do something productive. FML

#21267554
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18191) - you deserved it (2046)

On 09/29/2014 at 8:06am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom got genuinely angry at me because I refused to let her pop a zit that I had "promised" she could pop a few days back. She said with utmost look of disappointment that I'm "not a man of my word". FML

#21267417
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18184) - you deserved it (2868)

On 09/29/2014 at 12:31am - misc - by SystemofaBlink41 (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

#21267339
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19526) - you deserved it (2049)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:00pm - kids - by Anonymoose - United States (Indiana)

Today, I waited for over an hour in a park for a date who didn't show up. I finally left because someone came up to me and accused me of creeping on their kids. FML

#21267321
58 comments

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

#21267195
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20370) - you deserved it (2836)

On 09/28/2014 at 6:55pm - love - by superman21 - Ireland

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

#21267077
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21259) - you deserved it (2374)

On 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm - health - by jazzie7719 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML

#21266998
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28142) - you deserved it (3859)

On 09/28/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by jquaw - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well, the plan itself worked great. Too bad I got so drunk that I used it on the wrong person. FML

#21266978
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15234) - you deserved it (21471)

On 09/28/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

#21266933
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31648) - you deserved it (2606)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:30am - intimacy - by tw@ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my dad forgot I was on the back of his motorbike. He did a wheelie and I fell off. FML

Today, while running an event, my belt loop got caught in those metal whorls that outdoor chairs have. I couldn't get it undone and had to greet guests by standing up and bringing the chair with me, hanging from my ass. My coworker finally had to cut the belt loop to set me free. FML

#21266851
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22364) - you deserved it (2838)

On 09/28/2014 at 7:40am - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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