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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Number of results : 30092

Today, I saw my uncle, whom I have not seen in five years, at a family gathering. His reaction to seeing me? "Holy SHIT you have BOOBS! The guys must be all over you!" I awkwardly replied, "No..." Then he muttered, "I know I would." FML

#21415329
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7118) - you deserved it (436)

On 05/25/2015 at 2:30am - misc - by WellThatWasRude - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML

Today, my housemates are throwing a huge house party to celebrate finishing their finals. It's 4:30am and people are still arriving. I have my last final in 3 hours. FML

#21415194
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9760) - you deserved it (727)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:59pm - misc - by Party Pooper - United States

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10358) - you deserved it (4304)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

#21415031
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10906) - you deserved it (1584)

On 05/24/2015 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by ugh - United States (Michigan)

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

#21414941
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12661) - you deserved it (3407)

On 05/24/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by kalvin (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, my new doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I said no. He nodded and murmured "No surprise there." Thanks, mate. FML

#21414914
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14190) - you deserved it (1243)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:56am - misc - by Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

#21414899
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20914) - you deserved it (1276)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

#21414880
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17346) - you deserved it (1533)

On 05/24/2015 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I felt pretty. As I deal with a severe anxiety and depression, I was proud of myself. All until a little girl asked: "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

#21414664
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19538) - you deserved it (2297)

On 05/23/2015 at 10:38pm - misc - by Vlen (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I missed the spider but succeeded in keying my own car. FML

#21414635
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12023) - you deserved it (16292)

On 05/23/2015 at 8:58pm - animals - by uwotm8 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while serving a customer, she told me: "God made you a working class citizen so you could serve! If God wanted you to go to college, he would have made sure you were able to go!" FML

Today, my cat has decided she can't eat unless I'm right there with her, so when she gets hungry she finds me and howls until I follow her to her food dish. She likes to eat pretty frequently, and I'm already getting a headache. FML

Today, my father passed away. I called my boss to let him know about the situation. His only response before hanging up: "Shit, dude. Well, I'll see you in the morning, these reports won't write themselves." FML

#21414400
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24127) - you deserved it (1336)

On 05/23/2015 at 10:50am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)



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