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FML with : drunk

Number of results : 485

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

#21281851
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10082) - you deserved it (695)

On 10/20/2014 at 5:04pm - work - by Bartender - United States (Minnesota)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33217) - you deserved it (3614)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

#21272098
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38794) - you deserved it (3846)

On 10/06/2014 at 3:46pm - love - by kittenfish8903 (woman) - United States

Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML

#21270236
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28948) - you deserved it (5123)

On 10/03/2014 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

#21267195
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (511) - you deserved it (4354)

On 09/28/2014 at 6:55pm - love - by superman21 - Ireland

Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well, the plan itself worked great. Too bad I got so drunk that I used it on the wrong person. FML

#21266978
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21115) - you deserved it (29749)

On 09/28/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

#21266933
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45098) - you deserved it (3474)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:30am - intimacy - by tw@ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

#21256123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36135) - you deserved it (2711)

On 09/11/2014 at 2:49am - work - by PerfectVision (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

#21249322
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36328) - you deserved it (2696)

On 08/31/2014 at 10:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

#21248352
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40838) - you deserved it (9483)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38196) - you deserved it (2802)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

#21241704
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20268) - you deserved it (38664)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by Kev (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my blind date thought the best way to start off is to show up blind drunk. She ended up puking on the table and leaving me to pay. FML

#21236314
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37138) - you deserved it (3242)

On 08/13/2014 at 12:25am - love - by ragingwaffles - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

#21232277
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46261) - you deserved it (4024)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:05am - intimacy - by pocketrocket90 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

#21208109
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46215) - you deserved it (3764)

On 07/13/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by all puked out (man) - Netherlands



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