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FML with : drunk

Number of results : 507

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

#21384902
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16796) - you deserved it (1635)

On 03/31/2015 at 7:32pm - work - by DrunkParents - United States (Montana)

Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

#21381329
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30188) - you deserved it (4041)

On 03/25/2015 at 3:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying at my after-wedding party, after promising she'd behave herself. She thinks my husband is an awful person who'll drag me into a life of sin, all because he has a tattoo and an ear piercing. FML

#21379352
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26285) - you deserved it (2444)

On 03/22/2015 at 5:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was startled by my roommate marching a drunk man out of our apartment. Somehow he found his way in complete darkness into the bathroom without alerting me or my dog next to the only door. He mistook the clothes hamper for the toilet. FML

#21379064
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (178) - you deserved it (2304)

On 03/21/2015 at 6:29pm - misc - by Nexpecto (man) - United States

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

#21378507
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27136) - you deserved it (2059)

On 03/20/2015 at 5:23pm - misc - by ~__~ -

Today, my dad turned up drunk to an intervention for my brother's drug addiction. FML

#21375677
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31433) - you deserved it (2170)

On 03/16/2015 at 1:55pm - misc - by not a jesse pinkman joke (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was so drunk that I forgot how to use the key to my front door. But I knew how to break a window, get into my locked basement, and unlock the basement door with my front door's key. FML

#21374433
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22597) - you deserved it (15232)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:52pm - misc - by nomorealcoholeva - Norway (Nordland)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to sit and smile as a drunk lady ranted about how body hair on a woman is disgusting and unfeminine, then in the next breath say that only pedos like women who shave their vaginas. That's the last time I ever have dinner with my boyfriend's parents. FML

#21369265
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28161) - you deserved it (1922)

On 03/06/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML

#21356993
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33796) - you deserved it (2250)

On 02/15/2015 at 10:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18761) - you deserved it (35615)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

#21352091
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34322) - you deserved it (2610)

On 02/08/2015 at 1:28pm - misc - by sorry :/ - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband came home, drunk and with lipstick smeared on his face. When I confronted him about it, he just slurred, "Ah don't worry babe, it ain't mine." FML

#21343515
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33311) - you deserved it (2643)

On 01/24/2015 at 3:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. The guy who picked up sounded drunk, told me to fuck off, and hung up. FML

#21342247
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39107) - you deserved it (3340)

On 01/22/2015 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

#21341383
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29372) - you deserved it (3666)

On 01/21/2015 at 12:34am - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I texted my boyfriend a few dirty messages at lunch time and told him how badly I wanted him home. He texted back lecturing me on how I shouldn't be so drunk so early. I was totally sober, but now I need a drink. FML

#21340989
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32875) - you deserved it (5010)

On 01/20/2015 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by fun in functioning, I suppose - United States (Mississippi)



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