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FML with : drunk

Number of results : 478

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

#21256123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34117) - you deserved it (2674)

On 09/11/2014 at 2:49am - work - by PerfectVision (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

#21249322
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36110) - you deserved it (2683)

On 08/31/2014 at 10:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

#21248352
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40444) - you deserved it (9436)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37825) - you deserved it (2788)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

#21241704
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20240) - you deserved it (38611)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by Kev (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my blind date thought the best way to start off is to show up blind drunk. She ended up puking on the table and leaving me to pay. FML

#21236314
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37051) - you deserved it (3232)

On 08/13/2014 at 12:25am - love - by ragingwaffles - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

#21232277
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45519) - you deserved it (3994)

On 08/08/2014 at 2:05am - intimacy - by pocketrocket90 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

#21208109
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46182) - you deserved it (3761)

On 07/13/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by all puked out (man) - Netherlands

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

#21181415
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41067) - you deserved it (22164)

On 06/20/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by anon - United States (Missouri)

Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML

#21174767
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39432) - you deserved it (3846)

On 06/14/2014 at 8:34pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

#21168803
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46935) - you deserved it (3466)

On 06/09/2014 at 9:56pm - health - by Harry (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

#21153496
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47860) - you deserved it (5027)

On 05/27/2014 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

#21149418
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41146) - you deserved it (4134)

On 05/23/2014 at 5:25pm - misc - by idontevencareanymore (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

#21147237
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46947) - you deserved it (4025)

On 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML

#21135087
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44194) - you deserved it (3703)

On 05/09/2014 at 7:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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