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FML with : drunk

Number of results : 561

Today, my mom told me she wasn't an alcoholic because she doesn't get "black out drunk" daily. She only gets drunk enough to slur her words and reek of alcohol daily, so it's okay. FML

#21525409
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17081) - you deserved it (1098)

On 02/12/2016 at 5:29am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, for the seventh weekend in a row, I left my weekly visit with my long-distance boyfriend unsatisfied. Seems he enjoys getting shit-faced drunk more than he enjoys getting a boner. FML

#21523668
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18712) - you deserved it (2995)

On 02/07/2016 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by noO (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my grandma got drunk, tried to change the TV channel with my Xbox controller, and slurred at me to fuck off when I told her it wasn't the remote. She pulls this kind of crap way too often. FML

#21523258
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17486) - you deserved it (1337)

On 02/06/2016 at 12:04am - misc - by sick of this shit (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my parents have deliberately ruined my last 2 relationships, because they want me to get back together with my ex simply because he is my son's dad. Apparently, my son needs his father more than I need a man who won't beat me every time he gets drunk. FML

#21521515
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28022) - you deserved it (1584)

On 01/31/2016 at 4:38pm - work - by anon (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend made a patronising post on Facebook, "to all you guys out there" saying how having sex with a drunk person is straight-up, 100% rape. I pointed out that she's had sex with me several times after I've come home drunk. That pissed her off. Now I'm single. FML

#21520025
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22634) - you deserved it (4336)

On 01/27/2016 at 10:35am - misc - by 404: Sanity Not Found (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I opened the cupboard and a bag of flour fell on my head, covering me from head to toe. Last night I got drunk, and set some booby traps up around the house for my roommate. I'd forgot that my roommate moved out a week ago. FML

Today, at work, a drunk demanded a salad dressing we don't have. He marched into my kitchen and demanded I make it for him. When I said we didn't have the ingredients, he pushed the microwave over and stormed out. My boss came in and wrote me up for being "pushy and rude to customers". FML

#21514245
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23247) - you deserved it (1337)

On 01/12/2016 at 8:24am - work - by Talis (man) - United States (California)

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

#21514057
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19026) - you deserved it (1207)

On 01/11/2016 at 6:15pm - work - by DookDaSpook (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work, a grocery store, and my manager came up to me while I was on my lunch break. He told me that a customer said someone in the parking lot had been loitering around the cars. I went outside to investigate and saw a drunk man pooping on the front of a car. That car was mine. FML

#21511086
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19856) - you deserved it (1166)

On 01/03/2016 at 6:00pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend was so drunk at a New Years party that he approached me and asked me who I was. FML

#21510574
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19832) - you deserved it (1713)

On 01/02/2016 at 10:57am - love - by anon - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, during a party, my drunk mother stumbled over to take a picture of me and my brother. She told me to put a party blower in my mouth for the picture, but I politely declined. She threatened to spank me in front of everyone if I didn't do it. FML

#21510100
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20072) - you deserved it (2133)

On 01/01/2016 at 5:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my grandma got piss drunk off two glasses of wine and kept telling me how I'm "so... ROUND...!" FML

#21509780
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18748) - you deserved it (2248)

On 12/31/2015 at 2:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML

#21509574
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18188) - you deserved it (1220)

On 12/30/2015 at 11:45pm - misc - by just outdone - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML

#21509147
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20341) - you deserved it (1266)

On 12/29/2015 at 6:52pm - misc - by bob the builders pissed off daughter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

#21507195
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21671) - you deserved it (1788) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/23/2015 at 11:32pm - kids - by donguigeek - France



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