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FML with : drunk

Number of results : 512

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

#21394027
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35607) - you deserved it (2578)

On 04/15/2015 at 10:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML

#21391907
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32120) - you deserved it (2587)

On 04/11/2015 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

#21391444
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25510) - you deserved it (1849)

On 04/10/2015 at 7:03pm - misc - by pukeytimes - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was pulled over by a policeman. He thought I was drunk, after doing the "walk in a straight line" test and the "finger-to-nose" test. It wasn't until after I got a fine that I got it through to him that I have cerebellar ataxia, and that I wasn't drunk. FML

#21387213
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27378) - you deserved it (2138)

On 04/03/2015 at 8:42pm - health - by NotDrunk - United States (Texas)

Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML

#21386294
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13515) - you deserved it (26735)

On 04/02/2015 at 12:40am - misc - by banana12321 - United States (California)

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

#21384902
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26284) - you deserved it (2284)

On 03/31/2015 at 7:32pm - work - by DrunkParents - United States (Montana)

Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

#21381329
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31332) - you deserved it (4076)

On 03/25/2015 at 3:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying at my after-wedding party, after promising she'd behave herself. She thinks my husband is an awful person who'll drag me into a life of sin, all because he has a tattoo and an ear piercing. FML

#21379352
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26585) - you deserved it (2451)

On 03/22/2015 at 5:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was startled by my roommate marching a drunk man out of our apartment. Somehow he found his way in complete darkness into the bathroom without alerting me or my dog next to the only door. He mistook the clothes hamper for the toilet. FML

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

#21378507
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27308) - you deserved it (2063)

On 03/20/2015 at 5:23pm - misc - by ~__~ -

Today, my dad turned up drunk to an intervention for my brother's drug addiction. FML

#21375677
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31511) - you deserved it (2172)

On 03/16/2015 at 1:55pm - misc - by not a jesse pinkman joke (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was so drunk that I forgot how to use the key to my front door. But I knew how to break a window, get into my locked basement, and unlock the basement door with my front door's key. FML

#21374433
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22644) - you deserved it (15269)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:52pm - misc - by nomorealcoholeva - Norway (Nordland)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to sit and smile as a drunk lady ranted about how body hair on a woman is disgusting and unfeminine, then in the next breath say that only pedos like women who shave their vaginas. That's the last time I ever have dinner with my boyfriend's parents. FML

#21369265
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28214) - you deserved it (1923)

On 03/06/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML

#21356993
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33821) - you deserved it (2250)

On 02/15/2015 at 10:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18771) - you deserved it (35634)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)



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