Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML with : car

Number of results : 2749

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

#21284495
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9767) - you deserved it (628)

On 10/24/2014 at 4:52pm - work - by Anonymous - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

#21283044
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28590) - you deserved it (3103)

On 10/22/2014 at 10:47am - animals - by MouserMan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

#21281510
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29271) - you deserved it (2124)

On 10/20/2014 at 12:53am - work - by are you kidding me - United States (Kansas)

Today, I woke up to find "Fuck you, Harry" painted on my car. Harry's my neighbour. FML

#21280293
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34204) - you deserved it (2142)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:20am - misc - by Queensland - Australia

Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML

#21279154
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32490) - you deserved it (4842)

On 10/16/2014 at 3:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I watched from my office window as a couple maneuvered their car to squash a dead pigeon flat on the road. I then watched as they got out of the car, set up tripods and started taking photos of it. FML

Today, an elderly woman was crossing the street and dropped her bag of groceries. I got out of my car to assist her, but she beat me repeatedly, yelling that I was "enforcing a stereotype". Sorry for trying to help. FML

#21277469
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33021) - you deserved it (2706)

On 10/14/2014 at 3:15am - misc - by I_AM_READING - United States (Alaska)

Today, it's my mom's birthday. Got the perfect gift, the perfect card and of course the perfect cake. Well, it was the perfect cake until my dog's ass crushed it. FML

Today, as I was about to leave home for my first sweet taste of freedom at my new apartment, my car died. I'm stuck here for at least the weekend and can look forward to my mom driving me to work. Freedom. FML

#21274254
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26779) - you deserved it (2387)

On 10/09/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by gonesofast - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was mowing my grandma's lawn when I was suddenly swarmed by bees. When my grandma saw me covered in stings later on, she said, "Oh yeah, there are tons of bees in the grass! Be careful!" FML

#21274044
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32404) - you deserved it (2208)

On 10/09/2014 at 2:51am - health - by bees - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while on vacation, my parents called to inform me that my best friend had died in a car accident. Why? To trick me into tearfully confessing my love for him. It worked. FML

#21272324
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47011) - you deserved it (3859)

On 10/06/2014 at 9:14pm - love - by whywouldyoudothat - United States (Arizona)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML

#21271233
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31977) - you deserved it (4425)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

#21270463
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32971) - you deserved it (9617)

On 10/04/2014 at 1:43am - intimacy - by manymisfortunes - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

#21269342
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18478) - you deserved it (30904)

On 10/02/2014 at 12:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: