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FML with : blow job

Number of results : 82

Today, my daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid blow job. FML

#21508603
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21133) - you deserved it (2466)

On 12/28/2015 at 12:43am - intimacy - by ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - United States (California)

Today, I learned that the only way for me to have a complete bowel movement is to blow my nose at the same time. However, I learned this while standing in my girlfriend's kitchen. FML

#21498310
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21167) - you deserved it (1869)

On 11/29/2015 at 8:17pm - health - by achoo-plop - United States (Colorado)

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

#21453135
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22367) - you deserved it (3149)

On 08/07/2015 at 12:36pm - health - by blow me (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

#21417851
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31466) - you deserved it (2850)

On 05/29/2015 at 11:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has been denying me sex isn't because he is scared of someone walking in on us. It's because his blow-up doll pleasures him more than I do. FML

#21417148
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32927) - you deserved it (5746)

On 05/28/2015 at 2:05pm - intimacy - by MarieAmber18 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my little sister filled the huge house I spent over a week building in Minecraft with TNT. She then demanded I give her all the money in my wallet, or she'd blow it all up. She's now $86.25 richer, and my parents think it's too hilarious to make her give me my money back. FML

#21399271
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27888) - you deserved it (24943)

On 04/24/2015 at 11:23pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

#21343357
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34382) - you deserved it (4393)

On 01/24/2015 at 9:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

#21311441
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44638) - you deserved it (3160)

On 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML

#21248639
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38836) - you deserved it (9755)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:11pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML

#21009159
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54263) - you deserved it (27910)

On 12/29/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by Jizzyface (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

#20977212
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42459) - you deserved it (4141)

On 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML

#20961862
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40552) - you deserved it (3552)

On 11/18/2013 at 5:14am - kids - by kids next door - United States (North Carolina)

Today, during an otherwise promising job interview, I was asked how much I thought was too much for a "good hit of blow". I must have stayed speechless for too long, because the guy's next words were, "Yeah, you're not cut out for this." I'm shocked and baffled too. FML

#20825212
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42318) - you deserved it (4125)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

#20661189
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50732) - you deserved it (5596)

On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML

#20648219
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45542) - you deserved it (3394)

On 05/07/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by fuckingjesusgran (man) - Bosnia and Herzegovina (Federation of Bosnia and Herzego)



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