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FML with : blow job

Number of results : 74

Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML

#21009159
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48824) - you deserved it (25463)

On 12/29/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by Jizzyface (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, concerned about my daughter's recent behavior, I looked through her web browser history. I found web searches for information on how to make a bomb to blow up a "horse". I'm not sure if she's illiterate, but either way it seems I need to get her some help. FML

#20977212
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39099) - you deserved it (3779)

On 12/01/2013 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML

#20961862
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37145) - you deserved it (3241)

On 11/18/2013 at 5:14am - kids - by kids next door - United States (North Carolina)

Today, during an otherwise promising job interview, I was asked how much I thought was too much for a "good hit of blow". I must have stayed speechless for too long, because the guy's next words were, "Yeah, you're not cut out for this." I'm shocked and baffled too. FML

#20825212
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38923) - you deserved it (3805)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

#20661189
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46979) - you deserved it (5276)

On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML

#20648219
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42172) - you deserved it (3140)

On 05/07/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by fuckingjesusgran (man) - Bosnia and Herzegovina (Federation of Bosnia and Herzego)

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

#20642182
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51042) - you deserved it (4432)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, a small fly flew straight up into my nose. I spent 10 minutes trying to blow/scratch/pick it out to no avail. I can still feel it moving. FML

#20556028
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38545) - you deserved it (2657)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by WTFLY (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

#20470929
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48270) - you deserved it (5833)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

#20170605
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13282) - you deserved it (31437)

On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after spending 3 hours raking leaves, I went to the store to get some supplies. I came back to find my neighbor had decided to blow his leaves all over my yard. FML

#20163199
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18751) - you deserved it (1475)

On 11/14/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by racking-leaves - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

#20132312
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23724) - you deserved it (16459)

On 10/25/2012 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML

#20100208
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19244) - you deserved it (4239)

On 10/03/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by Can you say "bandwagon"? (man) - United States

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

#20062989
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24510) - you deserved it (4986)

On 09/08/2012 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

#20026176
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28244) - you deserved it (6147)

On 08/17/2012 at 9:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)



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