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FML with : blow job

Number of results : 70

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

#20661189
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40236) - you deserved it (4495)

On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML

#20648219
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37838) - you deserved it (2551)

On 05/07/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by fuckingjesusgran (man) - Bosnia and Herzegovina (Federation of Bosnia and Herzego)

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

#20642182
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45395) - you deserved it (3690)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, a small fly flew straight up into my nose. I spent 10 minutes trying to blow/scratch/pick it out to no avail. I can still feel it moving. FML

#20556028
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32947) - you deserved it (2022)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by WTFLY (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

#20470929
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37270) - you deserved it (3536)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

#20170605
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9037) - you deserved it (25196)

On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after spending 3 hours raking leaves, I went to the store to get some supplies. I came back to find my neighbor had decided to blow his leaves all over my yard. FML

#20163199
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14826) - you deserved it (1160)

On 11/14/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by racking-leaves - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

#20132312
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15274) - you deserved it (10491)

On 10/25/2012 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML

#20100208
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14505) - you deserved it (3267)

On 10/03/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by Can you say "bandwagon"? (man) - United States

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

#20062989
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16678) - you deserved it (3460)

On 09/08/2012 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

#20026176
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20975) - you deserved it (653)

On 08/17/2012 at 9:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

#19986519
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19588) - you deserved it (1523)

On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML

#19454762
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18136) - you deserved it (1911)

On 04/12/2012 at 8:51am - misc - by crazydaughter - Egypt

Today, I saw my 22-year-old boyfriend blow his nose into his hand, then wipe his snot on our couch. There was a box of tissues directly in front of him. FML

#19374256
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16732) - you deserved it (2161)

On 03/30/2012 at 1:37am - misc - by rozziepop - United States (California)

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

#19243169
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24227) - you deserved it (2353)

On 03/08/2012 at 11:53pm - health - by radiating (woman) -



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