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FML with : ass

Number of results : 2447

Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML

#21237592
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13540) - you deserved it (64584)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:54pm - misc - by oops - United States (California)

Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML

#21236025
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38919) - you deserved it (8492)

On 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by facefuckedguy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML

#21234023
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43541) - you deserved it (2625)

On 08/10/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML

#21233273
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38520) - you deserved it (11565)

On 08/09/2014 at 1:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

#21233010
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36427) - you deserved it (2550)

On 08/09/2014 at 1:59am - misc - by I already have one, thanks (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

#21232670
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34569) - you deserved it (11178)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML

#21231691
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25954) - you deserved it (37149)

On 08/07/2014 at 11:36am - health - by Dancing King (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I wore a tank top for the first time in a few years. It turned out even worse than the last time. I got insulted by several people over my "Never say never" upper chest tattoo, which I got years ago, before the words ever became associated with a certain douchy Canadian pop "singer". FML

#21230914
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41166) - you deserved it (9083)

On 08/06/2014 at 12:45pm - misc - by beaverfever (man) - Poland (Zachodniopomorskie)

Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML

#21230826
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35334) - you deserved it (3821)

On 08/06/2014 at 9:34am - animals - by Baustigt - Australia

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

#21230350
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36050) - you deserved it (8802)

On 08/05/2014 at 7:46pm - misc - by spekledworf (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, on a flight, I needed to use the restroom. The passenger next to me was in a deep sleep, and was very large, so I couldn't get out by climbing over him. The urge got severe, so I resorted to tapping him on the shoulder. Turns out he had some nice reflexes and hit me in the face. FML

#21229781
70 comments

Today, due to a hammer-related incident, instead of receiving glass ornaments as gifts from my trip to Venice, my friends will be receiving novelty postcards of Michelangelo's David's penis. FML

Today, my elderly mother explained that, "I don't need my glasses to drive, I just need them to see." FML

#21228755
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34907) - you deserved it (2495)

On 08/03/2014 at 8:47pm - misc - by scared - Canada

Today, I won a big raffle. However, my name is so ridiculous-sounding that they thought someone was playing a prank, and pulled a different ticket. I was too embarrassed to say anything. FML

#21227005
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38748) - you deserved it (10704)

On 08/01/2014 at 7:10pm - misc - by infortunatename - United States (California)



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