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FML with : ass

Number of results : 2543

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

#21319149
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2661) - you deserved it (469)

On 12/17/2014 at 1:47pm - misc - by RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, my boss heard a rumor that I was in a relationship with a fellow co-worker. He assured me that inside relationships weren't against any store policy, so I confirmed it. He then fired my boyfriend anyway. FML

#21318814
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14880) - you deserved it (2202)

On 12/16/2014 at 10:31pm - work - by thankssomuch - United States (Maine)

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17090) - you deserved it (3286)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

#21318050
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22266) - you deserved it (2314)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my classmate said I looked better without makeup. Well, her exact words were, "You look like less of a whore without makeup." FML

Today, I spent well over an hour waiting for customer service to assist me with my forgotten password, only to realize, 5 minutes into the conversation, that I had never created an account in the first place. FML

#21317146
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14436) - you deserved it (22324)

On 12/14/2014 at 2:19am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, my mom wouldn't let me go to the YMCA pool with the rest of the family. She said that the sound my thighs make when they rub together is "embarrassing". FML

#21317143
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30937) - you deserved it (3984)

On 12/14/2014 at 2:07am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

#21315734
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19115) - you deserved it (24097)

On 12/11/2014 at 6:13pm - work - by IHateSchool-.- - United States

Today, the power went out at school. As a senior, I don't show up until third period. When I got there, I signed in as usual. The office secretary waited until I signed in to tell me that if I hadn't, I wouldn't have to attend classes that day. Now I have to sit in class doing nothing. FML

#21315594
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24480) - you deserved it (2866)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:20pm - misc - by KCHS - United States

Today, one of my classmates asked the teacher to postpone her presentation because she had to study and the teacher happily agreed. When I approached her, the teacher started yelling at me because postponing deadlines is irresponsible. I just wanted to make sure we didn't need to bring our book. FML

#21315114
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24861) - you deserved it (1790)

On 12/10/2014 at 4:49pm - misc - by WhereforeArtThouJustice (woman) - Portugal

Today, after spending a lazy day at home, I went to UPS with my mom to help her pick up a package. While in line, she sent me back to the car because I'm, "an embarrassment to be around" when I'm not wearing makeup. FML

#21314671
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28132) - you deserved it (2448)

On 12/09/2014 at 8:56pm - misc - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, while fasting for a medical test, my blood sugar became so low that I had heart palpitations and passed out. My doctor's advice? Fast, so he can run more tests. FML

#21314271
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28213) - you deserved it (2384)

On 12/09/2014 at 4:39am - health - by fucking moron (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally found my passport. The day after my flight took off and left me behind. FML

#21313778
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28840) - you deserved it (8300)

On 12/08/2014 at 1:43pm - misc - by forgetful - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of)



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