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FML with : ass

Number of results : 2495

Today, I was passing notes in class with my crush. I started to pour my heart out and tell him about how I've liked him for years. I was caught by the teacher. He looked at it, laughed, and tore it up. He then looked at me and said, "I just saved you from years of embarrassment. You're welcome." FML

#21283544
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23747) - you deserved it (6221)

On 10/23/2014 at 12:04am - love - by Rachel - United States (Ohio)

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

#21283193
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10651) - you deserved it (24418)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by mr_cheese (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

#21283044
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27056) - you deserved it (2899)

On 10/22/2014 at 10:47am - animals - by MouserMan - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I lost my laptop, but I have my old childhood computer to use. It's password-protected, and the hint to the password is "meaner than Hera." I haven't been into Greek mythology since I was a kid, and if anything, this computer has just shown me how dumb I've gotten over the years. FML

#21282844
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24217) - you deserved it (4523)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by HeckIfIKnow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

#21281510
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28828) - you deserved it (2104)

On 10/20/2014 at 12:53am - work - by are you kidding me - United States (Kansas)

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

#21280490
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34568) - you deserved it (2942)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by yee-whore (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML

#21279849
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33875) - you deserved it (3333)

On 10/17/2014 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by katsaysner - United States (Maine)

Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML

#21279154
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32334) - you deserved it (4834)

On 10/16/2014 at 3:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

#21277907
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29752) - you deserved it (3135)

On 10/14/2014 at 8:13pm - misc - by ForeverAlone - United States (South Dakota)

Today, an elderly woman was crossing the street and dropped her bag of groceries. I got out of my car to assist her, but she beat me repeatedly, yelling that I was "enforcing a stereotype". Sorry for trying to help. FML

#21277469
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32917) - you deserved it (2698)

On 10/14/2014 at 3:15am - misc - by I_AM_READING - United States (Alaska)

Today, it's my mom's birthday. Got the perfect gift, the perfect card and of course the perfect cake. Well, it was the perfect cake until my dog's ass crushed it. FML

Today, while waiting for a plane, a man in a wheelchair was struggling to get to baggage, so I helped him. I did so without realising that I passed through the "No Entry" gate. What did I forget? My phone, my ID, and my boarding pass. What do you need to get back to the plane? All of those. FML

Today, I got roped into a volunteering thing at the last minute. I was waiting outside with all these kids who looked hungry. Feeling bad, I passed around crisps and cookies. Turns out we were at a convention to promote healthy eating in malnourished children. FML

#21274410
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28472) - you deserved it (4908)

On 10/09/2014 at 6:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was mowing my grandma's lawn when I was suddenly swarmed by bees. When my grandma saw me covered in stings later on, she said, "Oh yeah, there are tons of bees in the grass! Be careful!" FML

#21274044
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32376) - you deserved it (2207)

On 10/09/2014 at 2:51am - health - by bees - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

#21273575
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37652) - you deserved it (3596)

On 10/08/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by allergic_to_bull (woman) - United States (Florida)



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