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FML with : ass

Number of results : 2519

Today, I was getting to second base with a really hot guy, but I couldn't stop laughing when he said my boobs were "soft like cake." He got so embarrassed that he lost his boner. FML

#21303170
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22646) - you deserved it (6143)

On 11/21/2014 at 4:56am - intimacy - by weirdthingtosay (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

#21302796
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22799) - you deserved it (6745)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:45pm - health - by fark (woman) - Ireland

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

#21302021
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25660) - you deserved it (3008)

On 11/19/2014 at 10:09am - misc - by Donutsarelife - United States

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML

#21301367
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34495) - you deserved it (3409)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by drugsforthugs - United States (California)

Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML

#21301020
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31700) - you deserved it (2174)

On 11/17/2014 at 10:10pm - work - by ohgosh... (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

#21300434
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26457) - you deserved it (2960)

On 11/16/2014 at 11:17pm - misc - by pickuptruckblues - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while driving to my daughter's wedding, the person behind us kept laying on her horn and yelling every time I stopped for a red light. That person was my wife. Sadly I'm too whipped to stand up to her and spent the whole drive pretending not to hear my passengers snickering at me. FML

#21299484
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24536) - you deserved it (6992)

On 11/15/2014 at 10:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

#21296970
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30850) - you deserved it (2595)

On 11/11/2014 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I swapped out my maternity gown for a regular old t-shirt. My visiting mother-in-law called me a fatass and said I need to lose weight. I'd given birth just 40 hours earlier. FML

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

#21293883
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29245) - you deserved it (3564)

On 11/07/2014 at 1:53am - misc - by all shat out - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my boyfriend gushed for several minutes about how amazing it is that I suddenly look hot when he takes his glasses off. FML

#21292702
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29881) - you deserved it (2681)

On 11/05/2014 at 1:49pm - love - by aspiemeanswell (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, we are reading Animal Farm in class. Almost the entire class think it's about animal abuse. Including the teacher. FML

#21291068
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36287) - you deserved it (2523)

On 11/03/2014 at 6:04am - misc - by literature -

Today, I finally got off my lazy ass and start studying for my upcoming exam. It was going pretty well, until my classmate called and after I proudly told him about my sudden motivation, the only thing he had to say was, "You got the date wrong, the exam was on thursday." FML

#21290636
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20222) - you deserved it (23421)

On 11/02/2014 at 4:38pm - work - by demotivator (woman) - Romania (Timis)

Today, my boyfriend was giving me a back massage while I was laying on my stomach. A few minutes into it, he stopped. I turned around to see why; he was taking a picture of my butt. FML

#21290182
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29116) - you deserved it (6424)

On 11/02/2014 at 12:51am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boss is still refusing to fire my psychotic coworker, who's made it his mission to insult, annoy, bully and threaten me every day into making me quit. My boss is convinced the guy just has "assburger's" and that the company would get sued if we fired him. FML

#21289781
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30717) - you deserved it (2870)

On 11/01/2014 at 2:59pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)



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