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FML with : ass

Number of results : 2706

Today, I decided to start jogging to keep fit. I was passed about ten times by the same car, carrying four bozos whose vocabulary consisted only of, "TITTIES!" and copious amounts of giggling. FML

Today, I had to call a coworker to the office via the store intercom. The damn thing didn't turn off properly and everyone heard me say "I hate that asshole. Just be where your dumb ass should be." I realized my mistake a few seconds before my manager stormed in and threatened to fire me. FML

#21446728
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10998) - you deserved it (20722)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:59pm - work - by suspended (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was telling 3 classmates on Whatsapp about my depression. One of them told me to "nut up n grow a pear." 2 hours after we mocked him for being an illiterate jackass, one of us has had our car tires knifed and another's house has been egged. I'm terrified of what will happen to me. FML

#21446551
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19490) - you deserved it (4219)

On 07/24/2015 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Northern Mariana Islands

Today, I had to explain to my boss that I was late to work because somehow my hand slipped when I was brushing my teeth, and I hit myself in the eye with the brush. I had to remove my contacts, wash my eye, and find my glasses. He didn't believe me, but at least my eye is minty fresh. FML

#21446192
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20627) - you deserved it (1935)

On 07/23/2015 at 8:12pm - work - by sarika (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my "stupid fucking prank". FML

#21445474
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26834) - you deserved it (1807)

On 07/22/2015 at 1:35pm - health - by qhorin halflung (woman) -

Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML

#21445449
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15533) - you deserved it (22639)

On 07/22/2015 at 12:21pm - health - by Anonypiss (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a girl with a picture of One Direction as her desktop asked if I wanted to partner with her on a 70% law assignment. Two hours after saying no, I found out that she's a legal genius with a guaranteed job in the field and a near perfect GPA. FML

#21445322
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10304) - you deserved it (44579)

On 07/22/2015 at 2:18am - work - by Anonymous -

Today, I attended a new class at college. It was a class to help people with Asperger's adjust to college, which my parents pushed me into taking. It was incredibly condescending and insulting, and it felt like a class for preschoolers. My parents won't let me drop the class. FML

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

#21443864
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25231) - you deserved it (2736)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, while trying to score a date, I almost made a girl pass out. No, I didn't try to chloroform this one. I just came across as so pathetic that she laughed hard enough to have an asthma attack. FML

#21443788
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23749) - you deserved it (2677)

On 07/18/2015 at 11:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, after an argument with my girlfriend, I tried to be dramatic by slamming my car door shut as hard as I could. Something broke and now it won't open. Now I have to climb through the passenger's side just to drive my car to work. FML

#21443311
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11171) - you deserved it (26347)

On 07/18/2015 at 12:31am - misc - by MerryDeathmas - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, a girl called me a racist, stereotyping asshole. All I did was ask a kid who happens to be Asian to tutor me in math. Which I didn't do just because he's Asian, but rather because he's in college and is actually a brilliant mathematician. FML

#21443245
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26931) - you deserved it (1815)

On 07/17/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by yep, she does have a tumblr (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was so incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML

#21443212
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11806) - you deserved it (35969)

On 07/17/2015 at 8:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I witnessed the most awful park job ever. Without thinking, I found a piece of paper and wrote on the back, "Nice park, asshole". Turns out it was an old airline boarding pass, and my name, address and phone number were neatly displayed with the message. FML

Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML

#21442690
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31207) - you deserved it (4199)

On 07/16/2015 at 6:21pm - kids - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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