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FML with : ass

Number of results : 2073

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML

#20731175
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30743) - you deserved it (9501)

On 06/17/2013 at 9:55am - health - by nomwar (woman) - United States

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for showing up at work early. His reasoning is that it looks bad when his workers show up before dawn and work later than he does. He assigned me these hours specifically to accommodate one of our clients. FML

#20725768
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35252) - you deserved it (2240)

On 06/14/2013 at 3:29pm - work - by wtfwhyfml (woman) - United States

Today, I donated blood for the first time. I'm completely healthy and after waiting the appropriate amount of time I left, feeling fine. That is until I went out to eat with my family an hour later and passed out in front of the whole restaurant. FML

#20724782
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29494) - you deserved it (3015)

On 06/14/2013 at 12:39am - health - by hi_there4397 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I ran the mile in gym class. I was the second to last person to finish, and I was left panting and feeling faint. When the teacher found out I hadn't come in dead last, he accused me of skipping a lap and is now making me rerun the entire thing. FML

#20721311
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50579) - you deserved it (4899)

On 06/12/2013 at 10:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on my bike. As I'm rolling through an intersection, some asshat in a pickup runs the red light and hits me. Instead of getting out and helping me, the guy hops out, takes a look at me lying in the street, steals my hat and drives off. That was my favorite hat. FML

#20720945
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50346) - you deserved it (3423)

On 06/12/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by Are you f*cking kidding me (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mother threw away my brand new headphones. She saw them on the couch with duct tape on the wires and assumed they were "old, broken, and cheap." I put the tape there to avoid damaging the wires. FML

#20720827
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37109) - you deserved it (10941)

On 06/12/2013 at 12:59am - money - by why mom, why? - United States (California)

Today, I was giving a presentation to my college class. I've had a natural stutter my whole life, so I stuttered through the whole thing. My professor tried to hold in her laughter for 15 minutes. FML

#20719870
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37969) - you deserved it (1851)

On 06/11/2013 at 4:36pm - work - by stutterboy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML

#20718168
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62597) - you deserved it (2919)

On 06/10/2013 at 7:35pm - misc - by Upset (woman) - United States

Today, in class, we were discussing stereotypes. We were asked about common ones about nearby cities. A guy said, "Well, they say Lumberton has the prettiest girls." My teacher asked if any of us were from Lumberton, so I raised my hand. The guy quickly said, "Nevermind." FML

#20717445
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48457) - you deserved it (4646)

On 06/10/2013 at 1:04pm - misc - by wellthanks (woman) - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom at work when I ran out of toilet paper. There was another guy in the restroom so I asked him if he could hand me a roll. He laughed, called me a dumbass, turned off the lights and walked out. FML

#20717345
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43551) - you deserved it (4885)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:55am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my dad masturbating to a nude photo of my mum on the computer. She passed away four years ago. FML

#20713899
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51586) - you deserved it (8896)

On 06/08/2013 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bromley)

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

#20707362
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45577) - you deserved it (4026)

On 06/05/2013 at 11:08am - misc - by Thanks Honey (woman) - United States

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

#20705435
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29165) - you deserved it (42799)

On 06/04/2013 at 1:15pm - health - by poisonivyretard (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, after finally seeing a psychologist about the death of my dad and spending the longest hour of my life confessing every thought I've experienced in the 6 years since his passing, my psychologist asked me if I was walking home or if my dad would be picking me up. FML

#20705144
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65763) - you deserved it (2787)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:35am - health - by irishbubble (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML

#20703298
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37564) - you deserved it (4137)

On 06/03/2013 at 12:48pm - misc - by moreliketurdmart (man) - United States (Washington)



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