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FML with : ass

Number of results : 2628

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

#21395495
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26597) - you deserved it (1773)

On 04/17/2015 at 11:15pm - health - by khaoslife - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

#21394235
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26526) - you deserved it (3279)

On 04/15/2015 at 6:12pm - misc - by Drill Drilled - United States (California)

Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly 6 minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML

#21393865
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28383) - you deserved it (3270)

On 04/15/2015 at 12:17am - kids - by mommylife (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML

#21393655
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26932) - you deserved it (1804)

On 04/14/2015 at 5:50pm - misc - by spitty (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

#21393477
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24184) - you deserved it (3519)

On 04/14/2015 at 11:08am - health - by howaboutthemcarrots - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML

#21392424
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23429) - you deserved it (1866)

On 04/12/2015 at 3:49pm - health - by drewcaver - United States (Texas)

Today, I was asked to prom by the same guy who "accidentally" cut off a chunk of my hair in class and with whom I haven't had a conversation in my life. When I politely declined he said, "You'll regret this". FML

#21392030
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29791) - you deserved it (2291)

On 04/11/2015 at 9:53pm - misc - by scared4myhair - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I'm 37 and still can't pass my driver's test. FML

#21391668
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27387) - you deserved it (16168)

On 04/11/2015 at 3:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got grounded because my mom found a condom in the bathroom trashcan and assumed it was mine. I took the blame because I was too embarrassed to admit that it must have belonged to my 13-year-old brother, since I'm still a virgin at 19. FML

#21391452
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29498) - you deserved it (4622)

On 04/10/2015 at 7:16pm - misc - by uglybrother (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

#21391444
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25242) - you deserved it (1840)

On 04/10/2015 at 7:03pm - misc - by pukeytimes - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to class to take an important final for which I studied all week long and worked hard in class. Today, the teacher also told us that anyone who had an A did not have to take the final. I missed out on a trip to the Bahamas for this. FML

Today, my roommate's noisiest cat passed away. My previously-silent cat has decided that someone has to fill the void, and has been running around the apartment howling ever since. FML

#21391230
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26631) - you deserved it (3065)

On 04/10/2015 at 11:20am - animals - by Crazy cat lady - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my mom called 5 times and I didn't pick up due to being in class at college. I was later called to the front desk, where my mom was crying. She said she was worried about me because I didn't say "I love you" to her after she dropped me off at college. FML

#21387594
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31424) - you deserved it (3612)

On 04/04/2015 at 3:32pm - misc - by gooddaydude (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

#21385728
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27686) - you deserved it (2043)

On 04/01/2015 at 1:56pm - misc - by megan - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML

#21384585
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26652) - you deserved it (2089)

On 03/31/2015 at 3:40am - kids - by Teach (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)



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