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FML with : ass

Number of results : 2611

Today, I was talking about an essay I'd written for a class that was due to be turned in online days ago. I thought mine was well written and I'd even finished it a couple of days early so I wouldn't forget about it. After a few minutes of talking and feeling proud, I realized that I forgot to turn it in. FML

#21381740
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18958) - you deserved it (6161)

On 03/26/2015 at 5:53am - work - by Dwight Schrute - United States (California)

Today, my husband used the vacuum cleaner. Proud of him for this first-ever initiative, I congratulated him. His second initiative was to stick the nozzle on my ass, yelling, "Liposuction!" FML

#21380706
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25676) - you deserved it (4176) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/24/2015 at 8:58am - love - by chassezlenaturel (woman) - Belgium

Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML

#21379710
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30355) - you deserved it (6217)

On 03/22/2015 at 8:32pm - misc - by oooooops (man) - United States

Today, my maths class and I had to sit through a slideshow of photos of our teacher's cat. The cat's name is Mr Cat. FML

#21376941
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27238) - you deserved it (3464)

On 03/18/2015 at 5:44am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I ate a wonderful meal, after which I fell asleep on my couch and had a dream that my husband was passionately kissing me. I woke up to realize it was actually my cat licking bits of food out of my teeth. FML

Today, in my online class I accidentally unmuted my mic. Normally that would be fine except today I decided to serenade myself with a silly song. I didn't realize until everyone started clapping at the end of the song. FML

#21373396
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27378) - you deserved it (6276)

On 03/12/2015 at 8:39pm - misc - by acapelladisaster - United States (Indiana)

Today, I received a phone call from the counselor at my son's preschool, requesting that I come pick him up. He was barking incessantly at his classmates. And when they asked him to stop, he growled. FML

Today, I've managed to go my whole nine-year teaching career without anyone vomiting in my classroom. That record was broken today when someone vomited four successive times in front of a class of 46 students. It was me. FML

#21373013
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30807) - you deserved it (2494)

On 03/12/2015 at 6:23am - work - by musicteacher - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my ex-boyfriend asked me to homecoming, in front of the whole school, knowing I have social anxiety. I was forced to say yes to not seem like an asshole. Now I can't back out. FML

#21371675
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31190) - you deserved it (5844)

On 03/10/2015 at 4:03am - love - by TooMuchAnxiety (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

#21369959
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34456) - you deserved it (3206)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by greatly disturbed - United States (California)

Today, my mom found out I'm failing three classes. Now she won't let me go to a convention I bought passes for weeks in advance. Each pass was $45, and I bought 2 more for my friends. You do the math on that, because I apparently can't. FML

#21369220
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16107) - you deserved it (40897)

On 03/06/2015 at 9:20am - misc - by Byepax (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

#21369082
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14775) - you deserved it (40021)

On 03/06/2015 at 1:18am - health - by UncleMonkey (man) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor at my apartment building told me water from my sink was leaking into his apartment. He told me to call maintenance to fix it, but they won't help unless he calls. He refuses to, and I can't do my dishes without feeling like an asshole. FML

#21368266
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28813) - you deserved it (2516)

On 03/04/2015 at 9:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my entire junior class took the ACT. On the last test, a classmate's phone went off, automatically invalidating the whole test. We all have to retake it. FML

Today, I saw a person in my class completing a project that was due two periods later and that they had just started in the bathroom. They got a better grade than me. FML

#21366872
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27877) - you deserved it (4116)

On 03/02/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by Anomaly - United States (New Jersey)



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