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FML with : ass

Number of results : 2522

Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML

#21306254
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27117) - you deserved it (4299)

On 11/26/2014 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

#21305863
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28352) - you deserved it (2390)

On 11/25/2014 at 3:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, in thanks for my assistance, a customer recommended me a plastic surgeon who could "really help with that face." FML

#21304340
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25364) - you deserved it (2030)

On 11/23/2014 at 5:27am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was getting to second base with a really hot guy, but I couldn't stop laughing when he said my boobs were "soft like cake." He got so embarrassed that he lost his boner. FML

#21303170
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30238) - you deserved it (8598)

On 11/21/2014 at 4:56am - intimacy - by weirdthingtosay (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

#21302796
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26899) - you deserved it (8091)

On 11/20/2014 at 3:45pm - health - by fark (woman) - Ireland

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

#21302021
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28159) - you deserved it (3254)

On 11/19/2014 at 10:09am - misc - by Donutsarelife - United States

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML

#21301367
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37479) - you deserved it (3641)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by drugsforthugs - United States (California)

Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML

#21301020
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33997) - you deserved it (2279)

On 11/17/2014 at 10:10pm - work - by ohgosh... (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

#21300434
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27552) - you deserved it (3007)

On 11/16/2014 at 11:17pm - misc - by pickuptruckblues - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while driving to my daughter's wedding, the person behind us kept laying on her horn and yelling every time I stopped for a red light. That person was my wife. Sadly I'm too whipped to stand up to her and spent the whole drive pretending not to hear my passengers snickering at me. FML

#21299484
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25149) - you deserved it (7092)

On 11/15/2014 at 10:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

#21296970
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31108) - you deserved it (2597)

On 11/11/2014 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I swapped out my maternity gown for a regular old t-shirt. My visiting mother-in-law called me a fatass and said I need to lose weight. I'd given birth just 40 hours earlier. FML

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

#21293883
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29340) - you deserved it (3570)

On 11/07/2014 at 1:53am - misc - by all shat out - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my boyfriend gushed for several minutes about how amazing it is that I suddenly look hot when he takes his glasses off. FML

#21292702
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29980) - you deserved it (2691)

On 11/05/2014 at 1:49pm - love - by aspiemeanswell (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, we are reading Animal Farm in class. Almost the entire class think it's about animal abuse. Including the teacher. FML

#21291068
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36530) - you deserved it (2528)

On 11/03/2014 at 6:04am - misc - by literature -



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