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FML with : ass

Number of results : 2577

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

#21346702
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13964) - you deserved it (1096)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my parents continue comparing me to my "perfect" friend. He smokes dope, is a compulsive thief, and has gone to juvie numerous times. I'm passing school with flying colors and have never been in any trouble with the law. Apparently I should be more like him. FML

#21346172
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19271) - you deserved it (1398)

On 01/29/2015 at 12:01pm - misc - by John Doe (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. Turns out his dad is the asshole customer that I complain about all the time. He recognized me too and spent the entire dinner making passive-aggressive remarks about how bad of an employee I am. FML

#21345967
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21729) - you deserved it (1890)

On 01/29/2015 at 12:39am - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a weird friend of my father's decided to visit us. Our house isn't very big, so when he went to the bathroom, I could hear everything. He didn't wash his hands after a massive dump, and when he came out of the bathroom he patted my face. FML

Today, I had pizza for lunch. Later, I passed out in front of a customer. Now I get to explain to my boss that I fainted on the job because of heartburn. FML

#21344355
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20246) - you deserved it (3561)

On 01/26/2015 at 1:55am - work - by Thisismylife (woman) - Canada

Today, I noticed that my boyfriend's sister looks at my ass more than my boyfriend does. FML

#21343548
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25051) - you deserved it (2887)

On 01/24/2015 at 4:40pm - love - by whitebitch16 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my manager gave me hell for leaving the restaurant early yesterday. Guilty as charged, but only because I was rushed to the hospital after going into diabetic shock. This assmunch is convinced that I either faked it all to get off work early, or that I'd been eating our own stock. FML

#21343418
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28479) - you deserved it (1935)

On 01/24/2015 at 12:24pm - work - by Anonymous -

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

#21342882
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29312) - you deserved it (4080)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:12pm - misc - by Annomymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML

#21342840
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28645) - you deserved it (2214)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:41am - work - by Ineedlotsofwater (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car. We were in the front seat and I was on top. My ass hit the horn and scared my boyfriend so bad, he jumped, causing me to hit my head so hard that I swear I got a concussion. FML

#21341327
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27322) - you deserved it (10087)

On 01/20/2015 at 11:10pm - intimacy - by chelse_elyce - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend dresses in my underwear and tights, takes suggestive shots of his ass and legs, and uses them to trick people into thinking he's a girl so they buy him stuff in his online games. FML

#21340885
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32113) - you deserved it (3388)

On 01/20/2015 at 10:08am - misc - by mybfthecrossdresser (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

#21340847
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28963) - you deserved it (2276)

On 01/20/2015 at 8:23am - work - by klaatu barada nikto (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML

#21340378
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28347) - you deserved it (2575)

On 01/19/2015 at 5:07pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

#21339037
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30279) - you deserved it (3151)

On 01/17/2015 at 5:24pm - misc - by for shite's sake (man) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML

#21338906
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26827) - you deserved it (5588)

On 01/17/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)



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