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FML with : fuck

Number of results : 165

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

#21382327
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17142) - you deserved it (1734)

On 03/27/2015 at 9:29am - kids - by njh - Ireland

Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML

#21380370
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24174) - you deserved it (12393)

On 03/23/2015 at 9:04pm - misc - by Li - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

#21379495
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26195) - you deserved it (3178)

On 03/22/2015 at 1:41pm - work - by { o } (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally accepted I need help with my anxiety issues. I started small and I joined a support forum and wrote a post. I was quickly called a troll by multiple users, accused of faking it, and told to "fuck off back to Tumblr" because they wouldn't believe my anxiety is really so serious. FML

#21372539
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31000) - you deserved it (3209)

On 03/11/2015 at 2:43pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

#21369803
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27855) - you deserved it (4838)

On 03/07/2015 at 7:14am - animals - by farksh (woman) - Australia

Today, my ex gave me a heartwarming speech about how much he wanted me back. After talking for hours and me finally wanting to get back together too, he started mentioning a date he has with a cute colleague. Conclusion: he wants to get back together, but still be able to fuck the entire world. FML

#21366438
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33484) - you deserved it (3316)

On 03/02/2015 at 9:04am - intimacy - by donotbelieveinsecondchances (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for another girl, via a text message ending with "No hard feelings. Well xcept 4 my cock obvs. ;)" Fuck you, Rick. FML

#21365892
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34029) - you deserved it (2574)

On 03/01/2015 at 1:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

#21359908
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29724) - you deserved it (2484)

On 02/20/2015 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML

#21350975
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32426) - you deserved it (2098)

On 02/06/2015 at 3:10pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML

#21349366
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14632) - you deserved it (38256)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:45pm - health - by februarymarchapril (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

#21346702
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23782) - you deserved it (1898)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

#21343482
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34122) - you deserved it (2313)

On 01/24/2015 at 2:25pm - misc - by Elrond Hubbard (man) - United States

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. The guy who picked up sounded drunk, told me to fuck off, and hung up. FML

#21342247
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39102) - you deserved it (3340)

On 01/22/2015 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML

#21338940
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27647) - you deserved it (8534)

On 01/17/2015 at 2:00pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I learned that when a man in the row in front of you at a movie theater tells you to shut up, you shouldn't tell him to fuck off. He might be 6'4 with a short temper. FML

#21337906
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13850) - you deserved it (44464)

On 01/15/2015 at 10:15pm - misc - by whoops.. (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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