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FML with : fuck

Number of results : 167

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML

#21391907
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30257) - you deserved it (2371)

On 04/11/2015 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

#21387117
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28475) - you deserved it (5423)

On 04/03/2015 at 5:15pm - kids - by no, YOU raised him (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

#21382327
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28395) - you deserved it (3027)

On 03/27/2015 at 9:29am - kids - by njh - Ireland

Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML

#21380370
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25765) - you deserved it (13594)

On 03/23/2015 at 9:04pm - misc - by Li - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, an old man approached me at work. I smiled and asked, "Hi, can I help you"? He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Fuck me, you need to lose some weight!" and then wandering off. FML

#21379495
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27276) - you deserved it (3224)

On 03/22/2015 at 1:41pm - work - by { o } (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally accepted I need help with my anxiety issues. I started small and I joined a support forum and wrote a post. I was quickly called a troll by multiple users, accused of faking it, and told to "fuck off back to Tumblr" because they wouldn't believe my anxiety is really so serious. FML

#21372539
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31125) - you deserved it (3219)

On 03/11/2015 at 2:43pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

#21369803
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45) - you deserved it (4864)

On 03/07/2015 at 7:14am - animals - by farksh (woman) - Australia

Today, my ex gave me a heartwarming speech about how much he wanted me back. After talking for hours and me finally wanting to get back together too, he started mentioning a date he has with a cute colleague. Conclusion: he wants to get back together, but still be able to fuck the entire world. FML

#21366438
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33942) - you deserved it (3338)

On 03/02/2015 at 9:04am - intimacy - by donotbelieveinsecondchances (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for another girl, via a text message ending with "No hard feelings. Well xcept 4 my cock obvs. ;)" Fuck you, Rick. FML

#21365892
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34175) - you deserved it (2577)

On 03/01/2015 at 1:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

#21359908
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29748) - you deserved it (2486)

On 02/20/2015 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML

#21350975
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32505) - you deserved it (2100)

On 02/06/2015 at 3:10pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML

#21349366
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14641) - you deserved it (38274)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:45pm - health - by februarymarchapril (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

#21346702
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23795) - you deserved it (1898)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

#21343482
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34142) - you deserved it (2313)

On 01/24/2015 at 2:25pm - misc - by Elrond Hubbard (man) - United States

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. The guy who picked up sounded drunk, told me to fuck off, and hung up. FML

#21342247
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39127) - you deserved it (3343)

On 01/22/2015 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)



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