FML with : fuck

Number of results : 200

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2016 at 12:56am / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, on the bus, my friends and I gorged ourselves on a ton of candy. When it was my stop, I began to walk to the front of the bus. Upon getting off the bus, I tried to thank the driver with a mouth full of candy. It sounded like I said "Fuck you". FML

by ScratchCatPower / 04/19/2016 at 3:04pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I overheard my mom talking to a friend on the phone. What caught my attention was when she said: "You ever look at your kid and just think... 'Fuck. Where'd I go wrong?'" FML

by only child says fuck you mom / 04/10/2016 at 10:56am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm a car salesman. I got told to cold call a list of previous customers, but I recognised the names as I phoned them all last week; I told the manager this. He slammed his fist on my desk and told me to stop lying and do as I was told. I got told to "fuck off" 27 times. FML

by Arcam89 / 02/22/2016 at 5:37pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Work

Today, my grandma got drunk, tried to change the TV channel with my Xbox controller, and slurred at me to fuck off when I told her it wasn't the remote. She pulls this kind of crap way too often. FML

by sick of this shit / 02/06/2016 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, which he was happy about, until I told him in the interest of fair play he also had to let me fuck him with a strap on. It didn't take him very long to suddenly decide anal is disgusting, with all kinds of health risks. And he thinks he's the smart one. FML

by sandra / 02/04/2016 at 8:01pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy

Today, at college, I asked the girl who usually sits next to me if she wanted to team up on our latest assignment. She gave me a disgusted look, said "Um, I'm MARRIED. Creep." and walked away. Seriously, what the fuck? FML

by kevinfmls / 01/15/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, let's just say it's not a good sign when your plumber yells "What the fuck?!" That is, unless you actually like your kitchen being swamped by sewage. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2016 at 10:58am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to listen to my brother whine yet again about being single and how unfair it is. This is a guy who owns an "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt and has more than once referred to women as "vaginas with a person attached". Last time I called him out for being such a dick, I got punched. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2016 at 9:01am / United Kingdom (Leeds) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML

by _schaden_freude / 12/27/2015 at 12:31pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Love

Today, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up behind my dad and yell "BOO!" to scare him. He didn't even flinch. All he did was calmly look over his shoulder and sigh, "Oh for fuck's sake. And you wonder why I don't love you." FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2015 at 3:29am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove 3 hours to surprise my girlfriend, who I hadn't seen in 3 weeks. When she opened the door, she gasped, told me to fuck off and slammed the door in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2015 at 10:17pm / Canada / Love

Today, while driving home, I saw a cop with a speed gun "hidden" by the side of the road. I went to slow down so the fuck-knob wouldn't be able to ticket me. I then had a brain-fart and floored the gas instead of hitting the brakes. Hello speeding ticket. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 3:13pm / United States (Nevada) / Transportation

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2015 at 11:09am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, four days after moving into my new house, I woke up to a guy yelling "Fuck you, Claire" followed by a brick smashing through my living room window. Now I know why Claire was so eager to finalize the sale. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 1:12pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous