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FML with : mom

Number of results : 1995

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

#21320480
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17233) - you deserved it (1999)

On 12/19/2014 at 6:14pm - intimacy - by giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

#21318238
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28629) - you deserved it (3393)

On 12/15/2014 at 10:38pm - kids - by Lisa - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML

#21318154
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27782) - you deserved it (2364)

On 12/15/2014 at 8:23pm - misc - by period_probs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom wouldn't let me go to the YMCA pool with the rest of the family. She said that the sound my thighs make when they rub together is "embarrassing". FML

#21317143
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33069) - you deserved it (4211)

On 12/14/2014 at 2:07am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was home alone when I heard the carbon-monoxide detector beeping. Panicking, I grabbed my dog, ran out of my house as fast as I could, and waited outside for 3 hours for my mom to get home. Turned out the detector was just out of batteries. FML

#21315834
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25711) - you deserved it (6621)

On 12/11/2014 at 9:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, after spending a lazy day at home, I went to UPS with my mom to help her pick up a package. While in line, she sent me back to the car because I'm, "an embarrassment to be around" when I'm not wearing makeup. FML

#21314671
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28574) - you deserved it (2454)

On 12/09/2014 at 8:56pm - misc - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML

#21314000
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31108) - you deserved it (5334)

On 12/08/2014 at 7:38pm - misc - by #goodbyelife - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML

#21313391
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31368) - you deserved it (2376)

On 12/07/2014 at 9:18pm - misc - by Haitwun (man) - United States (California)

Today, I felt bad about rarely complimenting my mom about her cooking, so during dinner, I raved about her incredible, creamy, macaroni and cheese. It came from a box. FML

#21312880
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26118) - you deserved it (6990)

On 12/06/2014 at 11:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I put a picture on Facebook of me without makeup. A "friend" commented: "fuk me thts hideus!!" My dad replied: "Hideous, yes, just like your godawful spelling!" My mom yelled at my dad for agreeing with the guy, and they're still fighting. Meanwhile, my self-esteem is in the gutter. FML

#21312632
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29588) - you deserved it (3146)

On 12/06/2014 at 3:22pm - misc - by fistycunt4 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

#21311441
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40782) - you deserved it (2730)

On 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, during a moment of silence in front of the entire high school during my band concert, I managed to hit the stand with my flute, and loudly scrambled to catch it before it fell over. I've never had so many people look at me. FML

#21309681
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25796) - you deserved it (3113)

On 12/01/2014 at 9:06pm - misc - by Silverfeathery -

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

#21309415
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42304) - you deserved it (10727)

On 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for several moments stunned, still pooping. FML

#21308801
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32650) - you deserved it (4221)

On 11/30/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by pooplife - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my mom told me that her vagina is "as cute today as it was twenty years ago." FML

#21308358
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28962) - you deserved it (2645)

On 11/29/2014 at 9:06pm - misc - by justawallflower - United States (Ohio)



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