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FML with : love

Number of results : 698

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

#21520327
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23100) - you deserved it (1560)

On 01/28/2016 at 3:39am - animals - by sweetie808 - United States (Hawaii)

Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML

#21520041
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24598) - you deserved it (2721)

On 01/27/2016 at 11:35am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, after months of all my friends telling me that the guy whom I was in love with most definitely held feelings for me, I was finally convinced by their words, and with confidence I went and confessed my feelings to him. I was rejected. FML

#21519527
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19527) - you deserved it (1736)

On 01/25/2016 at 11:54pm - love - by UniGrad2019 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out my wife has been taking "love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML

#21509012
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22555) - you deserved it (1400)

On 12/29/2015 at 9:15am - love - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up behind my dad and yell "BOO!" to scare him. He didn't even flinch. All he did was calmly look over his shoulder and sigh, "Oh for fuck's sake. And you wonder why I don't love you." FML

#21507994
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21431) - you deserved it (3873)

On 12/26/2015 at 3:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was bitched out by my shrew of a mother for getting engaged, to a man. She's not homophobic, but rather pissed off because gay marriage is "trendy" and she wants me to be "above that nonsense". Hurray for love. FML

#21506801
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21995) - you deserved it (3361)

On 12/23/2015 at 4:06am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

#21501998
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20862) - you deserved it (1502)

On 12/09/2015 at 6:42pm - love - by PerturbedStudent (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

#21498523
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26258) - you deserved it (2666)

On 11/30/2015 at 11:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML

#21497528
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24384) - you deserved it (1412)

On 11/27/2015 at 3:21pm - misc - by anon - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

#21489520
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21106) - you deserved it (2528)

On 11/07/2015 at 9:33am - misc - by Hipnog (man) - Czech Republic

Today, I learned the hard way that my boyfriend lied about getting a vasectomy before we met, in spite of knowing how phobic I am of pregnancy and kids. His defense? "I figured you'd change your mind someday, because all you chicks love babies." FML

Today, my husband jokingly said to me, "I think you love Captain Kirk more than me." Without thinking, I said in a serious tone, "I think I do, too." FML

#21482245
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17777) - you deserved it (7493)

On 10/20/2015 at 3:45pm - love - by trekkiewife (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

#21482098
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23233) - you deserved it (3366)

On 10/20/2015 at 5:44am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

#21477939
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29308) - you deserved it (4137)

On 10/09/2015 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by not impressed (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my brother hugged me for the first time. Turns out he was patting me down to make sure I didn't have cigarettes. Love you too, bro. FML

#21477158
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21239) - you deserved it (2445)

On 10/07/2015 at 1:20pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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