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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Number of results : 1809

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be romantic to take me to a strip club for our 1-year anniversary. FML

#21382971
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25441) - you deserved it (3232)

On 03/28/2015 at 1:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

#21382528
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22865) - you deserved it (5123)

On 03/27/2015 at 5:19pm - work - by screwedupfuck (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML

#21381199
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26158) - you deserved it (3186)

On 03/25/2015 at 9:10am - misc - by peele - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

#21380814
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25617) - you deserved it (2496)

On 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my younger sister stopped talking to me. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years and apparently, she's been in love with him since she met him. Through me. She's 12. FML

#21380050
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33663) - you deserved it (2478)

On 03/23/2015 at 10:24am - love - by twelvie - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had my 18th birthday party. At midnight, three police officers showed up at my door and asked if they could look around. Were we doing anything bad? Nope. My friends suck at parking. Before they left, the officers said that this was the most toned down party they'd seen in years. FML

#21379703
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26655) - you deserved it (18)

On 03/22/2015 at 8:20pm - misc - by dicedicebaby - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decided I would actually make use of my apartment complex's exercise equipment. My routine consisted of one mile on the treadmill, and 15 minutes on the toilet followed by 10 minutes of lying in the fetal position on my bath mat. Great core workout. FML

#21378520
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24302) - you deserved it (3886)

On 03/20/2015 at 5:43pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML

#21377531
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29287) - you deserved it (3531)

On 03/19/2015 at 1:35am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

#21376116
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33125) - you deserved it (18)

On 03/17/2015 at 1:09am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I overcame my lack of social confidence and got a date for the first time in 10 or so years. After a while, my date admitted that she's a schizophrenic with dissociative identity disorder. I guess it's back to being single. FML

#21371640
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26667) - you deserved it (6205)

On 03/10/2015 at 2:02am - love - by CrazyInLove - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom told me she'd canceled my spring break trip to Europe for my 16th birthday. Why? So I could get my wisdom teeth pulled 2 months early. FML

#21363900
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30293) - you deserved it (4672)

On 02/26/2015 at 11:18am - health - by gatewayev700 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

#21363273
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29127) - you deserved it (2021)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:53am - misc - by need sleep - United States (Maryland)

Today, whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend, she received a flirty message from her ex on her phone asking if she wanted to go to the cinema. She replied, knowing I could see the screen. The messages were signed with a love heart and about 15 kisses. She claims they are still just friends. FML

#21362430
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31584) - you deserved it (3365)

On 02/24/2015 at 6:50am - love - by anonymous - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I got laid off. I abandoned my friends, my boyfriend and moved 10 hours away for this job because my uncle convinced me to. My uncle is my employer. FML

#21361965
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30304) - you deserved it (4268)

On 02/23/2015 at 6:52pm - work - by now what - Canada

Today, trying to do a good deed, I gave a homeless guy a $10 bill. As I walked away, he yelled after me, "You fucking bitch!" FML

#21361049
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29093) - you deserved it (3036)

On 02/22/2015 at 1:21pm - money - by HaliMali (woman) - United States (New York)



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