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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Number of results : 1879

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

#21436148
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17563) - you deserved it (2334)

On 07/04/2015 at 1:02am - intimacy - by alison (woman) - United States

Today, I'm babysitting for kids whose parents said they would be back by 12. Its 4am and they still aren't home. I don't get paid enough for this. FML

#21435758
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21535) - you deserved it (1573)

On 07/03/2015 at 5:09am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I heard my skinny 14-year-old daughter tell her friend, "Ugh, I wish I had leukemia or something so that I could lose weight." Yes, she actually said that. FML

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

#21435249
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21274) - you deserved it (2739) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/02/2015 at 12:30am - misc - by Smeagogole - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML

#21434454
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21653) - you deserved it (1479)

On 06/30/2015 at 4:26pm - work - by sickatwokr - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I noticed a rash of insect bites on the backs of my thighs and buttocks. Upon further investigation, it appears that the inside of the chair in my work cubicle is infested with bedbugs. I'm too paranoid to sit in any work chair now. There are 12 hours left in my shift. FML

#21433237
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23686) - you deserved it (1516)

On 06/28/2015 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I wore flip-flops to work. Just as I walked onto the elevator, they made a sound very close to that of a fart. About 10 seconds later, some asshole let out a silent but deadly fart, earning me a bunch of disgusted looks. FML

#21432890
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24175) - you deserved it (4042)

On 06/27/2015 at 3:58pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML

#21432298
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26102) - you deserved it (2454)

On 06/26/2015 at 12:38pm - misc - by Good Parenting? - United States (Maryland)

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

#21431867
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25032) - you deserved it (2914)

On 06/25/2015 at 4:59pm - work - by missmolliss (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I politely asked a coworker to stop sticking his chewed-up gum to my desk. It's now 10:57 pm and my tires are slashed. FML

#21431204
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24031) - you deserved it (1526)

On 06/24/2015 at 2:49pm - work - by Ain't going nowhere - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML

#21431146
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27107) - you deserved it (1565)

On 06/24/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by zaynemaliksvagina (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, we had customer complaints of a child molester hanging around our restaurant. After confrontation by a manager, he wouldn't leave. I had to be walked to my car after my shift by more than one person because I look 12 and they were afraid for me. I'm almost 19. FML

#21430929
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24784) - you deserved it (1804)

On 06/23/2015 at 11:23pm - work - by ilook12 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my creepy 12-year-old neighbour stood on his trampoline, looked over my fence and started waving a large net around, chanting my dog's name. Now I'm scared to let my dog outside alone. FML

Today, I got a call from my cable company in regards to a bill I didn't pay. I paid the bill two weeks ago in full, but they never told me the account changed when my name was put on the account. So now I owe $170 more, and my ex-roommate is getting a $140 refund in the mail. FML

#21430451
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23138) - you deserved it (1967)

On 06/23/2015 at 12:15am - money - by broke bitch - United States (Virginia)

Today, I attended my best friend's wedding. Instead of throwing her bouquet, she turned around and handed it to me. I was the only single lady out of 150 guests. FML

#21430410
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27401) - you deserved it (2198)

On 06/22/2015 at 11:13pm - love - by hairstylistprobs - United States



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