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FML with : dog

Number of results : 815

Today, I found out my dog's new favorite game to play: "If you don't stop petting me, I'll bite your balls as hard as I can." FML

Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML

Today, my neighbor's dog decided to knock over our trash cans, which were full of my bathroom trash. I had to pick up tampon and maxi pad wrappers from all over the neighborhood. FML

#21414242
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24890) - you deserved it (2179)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:25pm - misc - by A - United States (Georgia)

Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

#21412642
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23545) - you deserved it (8008)

On 05/19/2015 at 4:58pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Scottish Borders, The)

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

#21412078
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24813) - you deserved it (7054)

On 05/18/2015 at 4:40pm - misc - by Swabidizop - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

#21409745
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26968) - you deserved it (2938)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:41pm - animals - by PrinceOfBritain - United States (Virginia)

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

#21407465
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26763) - you deserved it (2056)

On 05/09/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by yapDogs (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend came over to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until she said she owned a dog. My mom then immediately attempted to check her scalp for lice. FML

#21407053
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27441) - you deserved it (1797)

On 05/09/2015 at 12:10am - misc - by sarahmaxine - United States (Nevada)

Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML

#21406339
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27742) - you deserved it (2960)

On 05/07/2015 at 5:56pm - misc - by Martine624 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend complained that I only respond to his flirtations with exasperation and annoyance. Apparently, grunting and humping my leg like an ill-mannered dog while I'm trying to wash dishes is his way of flirting. FML

#21405919
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29377) - you deserved it (3155)

On 05/06/2015 at 10:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML

#21404425
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30896) - you deserved it (1994)

On 05/04/2015 at 10:49am - animals - by FMe - United Kingdom

Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML

#21402171
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25167) - you deserved it (2254) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/29/2015 at 6:54pm - animals - by morphea - France (Bretagne)

Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML

#21401449
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27736) - you deserved it (2363)

On 04/28/2015 at 10:43pm - animals - by simple living - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancé threatened to break up with me if our dog couldn't be the best man at our wedding. FML

#21399911
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30246) - you deserved it (5935)

On 04/26/2015 at 9:35am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was bitten by a therapy dog. FML



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