FML with : girlfriend

Number of results : 2663

Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML

by Cow lover / 10/12/2016 at 10:13am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to shower together, things were getting heated until we actually got into the shower and found my roommates fingernail clippings all over the place. FML

by anonymous / 10/02/2016 at 2:38am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years in front of the sell-out crowd at the baseball game, but at the security checkpoint, the security guard made me take the ring out and open it after I walked through the metal detector. No need to say it, worst proposal ever. FML

by Malcolm654 / 09/28/2016 at 11:20pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my girlfriend tried to hook me up with a guy. It's the second time it happened since I met her. FML

by DrawingWaves / 09/27/2016 at 6:36pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML

by awkward / 09/26/2016 at 5:31pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

by b.fritz / 09/24/2016 at 6:02am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I learned that the burning sensation I get on my balls isn't from when my girlfriend poured hot sauce on my balls as a prank, it's actually gonorrhea. FML

by Battlebarney / 09/22/2016 at 6:58am / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

Today, my sister gently asked me if I was gay. Turns out I've been without a boyfriend for so long that the whole family believes I secretly have a girlfriend. FML

by Singlelady / 09/21/2016 at 3:16pm / United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent) / Love

Today, my girlfriend contacted me. She said she'd thought over her feelings over our temporary break in the relationship, and she wanted to try again. Being my stupid, self-loathing self, I asked her so many questions on if she was sure or not that she went back into doubt and revoked the offer. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2016 at 6:05am / Love

Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML

by Gas-pingForAir / 09/19/2016 at 4:59am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and her mother bought a hanger for my $2000 guitar as a birthday present. They wanted to surprise me by hanging it on the wall. They screwed it upside down, so before I came home it fell off and my guitar broke. FML

by nicrus / 09/15/2016 at 4:13pm / Norway / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was, "trying to change her." A week ago I asked her to stop talking to the 6 guys that have all previously asked her for nudes. FML

by eggman 583 / 09/13/2016 at 5:12pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was sitting in a drive-thru with my girlfriend waiting for our food and the idiot behind me rear-ended me. I got out of the car to tell him he'd rear-ended me. He then argued with me, saying he "didn't feel it." FML

by Irritated / 09/12/2016 at 11:29am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend told me that she didn't know we were actually dating. FML

by anonymous / 09/05/2016 at 11:05pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I texted my girlfriend a long, heartfelt message this morning. Her response? "What do you need? Or is this even really you?" FML

by anon / 08/30/2016 at 2:32pm / United States (Georgia) / Love