FML with : girlfriend

Number of results : 2677

Today, my ex-girlfriend called saying she wants to get back together because of how mature and sincere I sounded last night. I despise her and I was drunk last night. FML

by dukemisery / 11/28/2016 at 7:23am / Hong Kong / Love

Today, the 8 year old that I babysit every week told me that it was sad that I didn't have a boyfriend while he has a girlfriend. I got burned by a 3rd grader. FML

by Babysitter Probs / 11/27/2016 at 12:58am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend dumped me while taking a walk through a park at night. After that, I had to escort her home as she has an eye condition, and is almost completely blind when dark. FML

Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML

by NotTHATbad / 11/19/2016 at 12:26pm / Intimacy

Today, my parents asked me if my girlfriend of two years and I wanted to go see a musical with them. I haven't told them that she broke up with me the day after she met them. FML

by bob7654 / 11/10/2016 at 9:44pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML

by KnowledgableEx / 11/10/2016 at 7:42am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, after weeks of being addicted to Bejeweled Blitz, I couldn't stop thinking about it while having sex with my girlfriend. FML

by BejeweledJizz / 11/05/2016 at 8:29am / Intimacy

Today, I was hanging out with this really cute boy that I liked. We were starting to get personal, intimate, and really connecting. That is, until my roommate shouted that his girlfriend had just, "clogged our toilet and shit was overflowing onto the floor." FML

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

by Wheresthecreamfilling / 11/03/2016 at 2:03am / Intimacy

Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML

by 2in longer / 11/01/2016 at 8:57am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

by happybidet / 10/31/2016 at 9:02am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML

by Deweyboy / 10/30/2016 at 12:23am / Health

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2016 at 1:06am / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being "too clingy". I haven't seen her in over 3 weeks and texted her first once. Guess that's still too much for her. FML

by I wasn't being clingy geez / 10/23/2016 at 1:18pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML

by Cow lover / 10/12/2016 at 10:13am / United States (New York) / Love