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FML with : girlfriend

Number of results : 2346

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

#21414249
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13280) - you deserved it (1328)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, and for the past couple of days, my girlfriend's father has been trying to help me think of a way to propose. I decided to rehearse first, and that's how my girlfriend walked in on me "proposing" to her dad. FML

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

#21413854
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22356) - you deserved it (2558)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by zzarzzur (man) - United States (California)

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

#21412889
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29964) - you deserved it (2372)

On 05/20/2015 at 4:45am - intimacy - by wtf bro (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

#21412386
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26441) - you deserved it (4199)

On 05/19/2015 at 2:45am - intimacy - by username - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I woke up to "we're leaving". I'm now homeless because my Dad and his girlfriend got into an argument over toilet paper. FML

#21411475
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26385) - you deserved it (1748)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:47pm - love - by hobo - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML

#21409473
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30629) - you deserved it (2327)

On 05/13/2015 at 1:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

#21408859
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28544) - you deserved it (3810)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:53am - intimacy - by Darryl - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21408360
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25959) - you deserved it (3885)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

#21407745
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30286) - you deserved it (5396)

On 05/10/2015 at 11:35am - intimacy - by YouDontSay (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML

#21407637
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29134) - you deserved it (4277)

On 05/10/2015 at 4:40am - love - by gassygirlfriend - United States (Idaho)

Today, my girlfriend came over to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until she said she owned a dog. My mom then immediately attempted to check her scalp for lice. FML

#21407053
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27339) - you deserved it (1795)

On 05/09/2015 at 12:10am - misc - by sarahmaxine - United States (Nevada)

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

#21406510
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28702) - you deserved it (2629)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:23pm - animals - by MyNameIsNotJeff (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

#21406274
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28482) - you deserved it (2497)

On 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm - misc - by Random737193 - United States (New Jersey)



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