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FML with : girlfriend

Number of results : 2169

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

#21245120
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33000) - you deserved it (2904)

On 08/25/2014 at 2:58pm - misc - by nhyari (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

#21244207
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35080) - you deserved it (5325)

On 08/24/2014 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML

#21243834
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44339) - you deserved it (5246)

On 08/23/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after a long silent and awkward pause after asking my girlfriend's dad if I can take her on holiday for Christmas, he looked me dead in the eyes and said "No, you may not impregnate my daughter." FML

#21243591
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36511) - you deserved it (4517)

On 08/23/2014 at 3:34am - intimacy - by Dafuq happen there - South Africa

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

#21243310
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21768) - you deserved it (40463)

On 08/22/2014 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40627) - you deserved it (7218)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

#21241704
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19589) - you deserved it (37289)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by Kev (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks found the engagement ring I tried to give to my ex. She started crying and said yes. FML

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40643) - you deserved it (14977)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

#21240474
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30499) - you deserved it (13526)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm - misc - by FANZZY - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML

#21238375
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41956) - you deserved it (4130)

On 08/15/2014 at 6:09pm - love - by meltdowninrels (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my coworkers and I were comparing the backgrounds we have on our phones. They pretty much sum up our love lives; everyone else's background is a photo of their boyfriend or girlfriend. Mine's a photo of a lifeless desert. FML

#21235038
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34821) - you deserved it (4096) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/11/2014 at 3:05pm - love - by Fennec (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend and I tried out a website where you upload pictures of two people, and it shows you what their future children might look like. She actually started crying because the kid we were shown wasn't cute enough for her liking. FML

#21232887
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34626) - you deserved it (3724)

On 08/08/2014 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML

#21231691
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26223) - you deserved it (37730)

On 08/07/2014 at 11:36am - health - by Dancing King (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I found out the hard way that no good girlfriend-boyfriend conversation ever started with, "Suppose I slept with your best friend..." FML

#21229506
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38995) - you deserved it (7861)

On 08/04/2014 at 7:04pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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