FML with : cat

Number of results : 1706

Today, I found out my brand new $3,000 mattress that is supposed to relieve my back pain works amazingly. I only discovered this because my wife, son, daughter, dog, and two cats are all asleep on it and not waking up. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2016 at 1:53am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I e-mailed an employer to ask about a job I had applied for earlier. The employer in question was on vacation. The person who replied had the position which I had applied for mentioned in their signature. FML

by Farah / 09/26/2016 at 10:42am / Bangladesh / Work

Today, I called a cab to get me and my cat home from the vet. After a 40 minute wait and three calls to the taxi company, the operator told me that the driver she sent to my location just confirmed that he already has a woman with my name and a cat in his car. FML

by Rabite / 09/15/2016 at 10:48am / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Transportation

Today, I was laying in my bed and discovered a couple stray black hairs scattered about. This was odd considering I have light strawberry blonde hair but I forgot about it only to later see my hair brush have more of the same black hairs. I live alone. I'm scared. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2016 at 10:51pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm fostering a very shy cat who doesn't like to be held. I had to move the litter box to another room, but when I picked him up to show him where I'd moved it to, he peed on me. FML

by kdriver / 09/12/2016 at 10:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my nose ring became a fish hook. What did I catch? My dog's harness. She nearly ripped it out of my face. FML

by CoalRose / 09/11/2016 at 4:33pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

by BadKitty / 09/11/2016 at 9:37am / Australia (Tasmania) / Animals

Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2016 at 1:52am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I was making a shake at work when the cup fell off the blender. I went to catch it, and instead caught the teeth of the still-spinning mixer. When my hand was still bleeding five minutes later, my supervisor told me to clock out until it stopped. I lost money for getting hurt on the job. FML

by TexasGirl24 / 09/10/2016 at 8:51am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time in months. Afterwards, when he thought I was asleep, I caught him jacking off to porn. His defense: "Why should you be the only one to get off multiple times?" I got off once, from the toy he used, pre-sex. He then got mad at me for catching him. FML

by kaijen / 09/09/2016 at 1:11am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

by ripped / 09/07/2016 at 10:57am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend of over a year said that being in a relationship is pointless. When I responded that I couldn't picture my life without him, he said he couldn't picture his life without our cat. FML

by Rosie / 09/06/2016 at 8:13am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, at my new job, I realized I have been spending too much time with just my cat. As I passed some coworkers in the hall, I nodded and gave them the "slow blink of trust" that is used with cats. FML

by CoA / 09/06/2016 at 7:40am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, after a few days of getting what seemed like an odd, scattered rash every time I showered, I finally figured out the problem. It turns out I wasn't just allergic to all the different soap I tried. Apparently a family of very angry spiders have decided to make my loofah their new home. FML

by Peter Parker / 08/30/2016 at 7:19pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my eyesight is getting terrible. I saw a white cat in front of my house, so I went up to it. To my delight it didn’t move, so I bent down to stroke it. Wrong call, it was a plastic bag. FML

by ckatia / 08/30/2016 at 5:29am / Health