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FML with : penis

Number of results : 243

Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML

#18003683
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28908) - you deserved it (1773)

On 10/17/2011 at 12:20am - health - by blarp - United States (New Jersey)

Today, since I was taking a dump in my wife's parents' house, I lit a candle so that it wouldn't stink. While still sitting down, I went to blow it out and apparently, no matter how strong of a man you are, you will still scream like a little girl if hot wax falls on your penis. FML

#17981787
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30356) - you deserved it (10073)

On 10/14/2011 at 11:23am - intimacy - by cduran2011 - United States (Ohio)

Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML

#17927200
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21702) - you deserved it (2805)

On 10/07/2011 at 10:58am - work - by Dr.Octopus454 (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

#17919622
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35943) - you deserved it (9554)

On 10/06/2011 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friends learned that if you play "connect the dots" with the pimples on my back the resulting picture is a large penis. FML

#17910918
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25579) - you deserved it (3607)

On 10/05/2011 at 12:08pm - misc - by Hoggiebear - United States (Georgia)

Today, I caught my wife slipping penis enlargement pills into my coffee. FML

#17795601
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43510) - you deserved it (7942)

On 09/21/2011 at 1:20pm - intimacy - by ThisBlows (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML

#17751753
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30009) - you deserved it (4087)

On 09/15/2011 at 4:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

#17744252
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35216) - you deserved it (3753)

On 09/14/2011 at 2:11pm - intimacy - by wf - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed by painting his chest with "marry me?" and an arrow going down. The ring was attached to his penis with a string. FML

#17743940
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35114) - you deserved it (4804)

On 09/14/2011 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by ohmaigawd (woman) - Argentina

Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML

#17574583
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31424) - you deserved it (2329)

On 08/25/2011 at 1:26am - intimacy - by InAnAwkwardSituation - United States (New York)

Today, no matter how much I begged, my friend who'd locked himself away with my iPhone wouldn't stop taking pics of his penis and forwarding them to my boss. FML

#17438897
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43070) - you deserved it (4551)

On 08/11/2011 at 8:56am - intimacy - by bob - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis functions fine. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't a professional bodybuilder. FML

#17410758
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28454) - you deserved it (11410)

On 08/08/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

#17406158
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25741) - you deserved it (3710)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

#17400006
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24049) - you deserved it (5765)

On 08/07/2011 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Wife - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed me his penis for the first time. All I could think to say was, "That's a clean circumcision." FML

#17384491
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26496) - you deserved it (7950)

On 08/06/2011 at 2:35am - intimacy - by plantfood - United States



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