FMLs submitted from Wisconsin

Today, I threw away a bunch of candy wrappers from my pocket, I also managed to throw away $20. That was the only money I had. FML

by duckthisspit / 10/31/2015 at 11:23pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute after I got into the front seat of an elderly man's car. The man was my grandfather, and he was taking me to a doctor's appointment, since I wasn't going to be allowed to drive home after it. FML

by Catlover234 / 10/02/2015 at 3:08pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I accidentally poured milk into my bowl of chips. FML

by Blackshadows / 09/07/2015 at 2:08pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my older brother offered me a cigarette. I took it and barely took a drag before he socked me in the arm and lectured me for taking the offer. He's an alcoholic, and smokes daily. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2015 at 2:59am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, my mom got angry that I wasn't responding to her texts. I couldn't because I was in the dentist's chair. She'd dropped me off, and after returning from errands, sent the text from the waiting room. FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2015 at 12:05am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wasn't feeling our two-month relationship was up to par with his parents' 30-year marriage, and, furthermore, I wasn't similar enough to his mother. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2015 at 2:13am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

by eventer1919 / 08/03/2015 at 10:48pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I told my boyfriend of three years that I wanted to get married and have a child within the next five years. He responded by packing up my things and showing me the door. FML

by rissa5214 / 07/26/2015 at 2:20pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I had to explain to my boss that I was late to work because somehow my hand slipped when I was brushing my teeth, and I hit myself in the eye with the brush. I had to remove my contacts, wash my eye, and find my glasses. He didn't believe me, but at least my eye is minty fresh. FML

by sarika / 07/23/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I went to visit my mother after many years. Her hoarding has gotten so bad that now the house is entirely filled with junk and garbage, and she is camping out in the jungle of a backyard, cooking on a cauldron over a fire and shitting in the compost pile, with no working heat or water. FML

by childofcrazy / 06/25/2015 at 4:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex quite aggressively. Towards the end, he lifted his hips off the bed and then headbutted me in the nose. The only thing that came today was blood all over my new bra. FML

by mallycat14 / 06/25/2015 at 12:26pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to take my daughter to the ER. Her brother had bet she couldn't go the whole day without talking. So to win the bet, she tried to super-glue her lips together so she couldn't accidentally say anything. FML

by 1010110100101101 / 06/19/2015 at 12:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I saw my uncle, whom I have not seen in five years, at a family gathering. His reaction to seeing me? "Holy SHIT you have BOOBS! The guys must be all over you!" I awkwardly replied, "No..." Then he muttered, "I know I would." FML

by WellThatWasRude / 05/25/2015 at 2:30am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.