FMLs submitted from Wisconsin

Today, I realized that the only part of my body that has had a reduction in size from changing my diet and working out isn't my stomach or my thighs but my already undersized breasts. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2010 at 12:15am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2009 at 11:58pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I gave my 7 year old a snowglobe. I had spent the last week deconstructing it, putting an action figure of his favorite cartoon character inside, and then putting it back together. Later, I find it smashed into pieces because he wanted to "play with the toy it came with." FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2009 at 7:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend left me for my sister. I can't stop thinking about all those days they went out alone for "girl time." FML

by notgoodenough38 / 12/27/2009 at 5:34pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, the elderly couple next door asked me to cut down a tree in their yard. It turns out they told me to cut down the wrong tree, and I cut down the tree they got married under. They now hate me and tell me they plan to sue me for damage to property. FML

by jordigs / 12/23/2009 at 3:46am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I found a pair of glasses in my car. I don't wear glasses, and nobody besides myself has been in my car lately. It appears that someone has been sleeping in my car and forgot their glasses. FML

by chrono64 / 12/19/2009 at 9:40pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

by ouch / 12/19/2009 at 10:15am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was changing the oil on my car. I decided to pretend I was delivering a baby as I was removing the oil filter. I got really into it and was screaming things like "I see the head," and when I removed it, I said "Oh, it's a boy!" As I reach for my rag to clean it, I saw my neighbor's boots. FML

by nwalsh2009 / 12/17/2009 at 11:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I tried to rid my son of his pacifier. He still uses it to sleep. My son is 20 years old. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 8:57pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, my math TA showed the class how one of her "dumb" students answered a test question. Everyone laughed as she wrote out the students answer, including myself, until I looked down at my answer sheet and saw that I submitted an identical answer. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2009 at 12:35pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, our midterm exams were returned in my urban politics class. I had studied hard and scored 86%. The blonde girl next to me got a 92. Earlier in the semester she had asked me what state Detroit was in. FML

by Postdotfuzz / 12/07/2009 at 7:12pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Clause isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML

by TooTallNiCo / 11/28/2009 at 12:36pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hit a deer. The worst part? Papa deer saw me hit mama deer, and proceded to ram into my car. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 2:11pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation