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FMLs submitted from Wisconsin

Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door, a clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was ok. I have to go back next week. FML

#1591881
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55480) - you deserved it (7883)

On 05/03/2009 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by alpine75 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

#1520851
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54193) - you deserved it (18801)

On 05/01/2009 at 10:28am - intimacy - by badluckdrew (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I spent 90 dollars and two and a half hours getting my hair done at a fancy salon. As I was unlocking my car, a bird pooped in my hair. FML

#1323390
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51091) - you deserved it (11300)

On 04/25/2009 at 3:12pm - animals - by birdmagnet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I finally exchanged pictures with the woman I've been seeing online for some time now. She replied, saying "Thats not funny. Some people actually look like that." I sent my real picture, and thought I actually looked pretty good in it. FML

#1193319
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68932) - you deserved it (6523)

On 04/21/2009 at 2:21pm - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, is my 21st birthday. I get home after my night out and walk into the garage to see a 2002 Red Corvette convertible. I run up to the car thinking its a gift and there's a note: "Dani this is not your birthday present. Quit drooling on my car. -Dad" Thanks Dad. FML

#1124896
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52689) - you deserved it (12218)

On 04/19/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by scarletdurose88 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I asked a boy I like to prom by writing all over his car. After nervously sitting by the phone all day, I decided to go out to get lunch. I found the word "No!" written all over my car. FML

#696995
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34925) - you deserved it (60430)

On 03/30/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by lauren (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to Walgreen's for a tub of Vaseline. The old guy at the counter looked at me, winked, and said, "Not having too much luck with the ladies, eh?" He was right. FML

#681464
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65872) - you deserved it (12620)

On 03/29/2009 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML

#644123
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82450) - you deserved it (16330)

On 03/27/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by badmom (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to iTunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML

#580113
484 comments

I agree, your life sucks (597523) - you deserved it (37949)

On 03/24/2009 at 5:15pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML

#570942
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113764) - you deserved it (8279)

On 03/24/2009 at 1:47am - work - by frenchy (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

#255362
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68947) - you deserved it (2782)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:03pm - health - by toothache (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I slipped on the ice in front of my apartment, spraining my ankle and cracking a rib. While I laid on the ground immediately after, my neighbor chewed me out for saying "shit" in front of her 4-year-old on my way down. FML

#206067
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58965) - you deserved it (3032)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:03pm - misc - by stupidneighbor (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to get my underarms waxed. I'm usually not self-conscious because I figure they see worse stuff all the time. When I raised my arm for her to wax my armpit she looked at me, laughed and said "Well I guess that's how I know it's winter in Wisconsin!" FML

#186916
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37147) - you deserved it (8596)

On 03/02/2009 at 6:38pm - misc - by Kelly (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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