FMLs submitted from Wisconsin

Today, my boyfriend got drunk and tried to french-kiss my dog. Now he has 12 stitches in his face, and he's insisting we have to get my dog put down. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2011 at 12:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, the boys who sit at my math table decided it would be funny to throw broken pencils at my boobs to see if they were real. They did this the entire class period. I have to work with this group for the rest of the school year. FML

by hellokitty133 / 09/29/2011 at 9:56pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, after being dumped by my boyfriend of two years, I poured my heart out to my dad. He nodded and looked sympathetic throughout. Afterwards, I asked him what I should do. He replied, "How the hell should I know?" and awkwardly left my room. FML

by Lisa / 09/18/2011 at 10:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, my school voted for a Pokémon theme for this year's homecoming. FML

by ohgodwhy / 09/18/2011 at 5:16pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends and I ran through a flock of resting seagulls. The birds took to the skies and chased after us, covering us in shit. FML

by shithead / 09/18/2011 at 4:17pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, I found out that getting caught in a barbed wire fence isn't as bad as it sounds. Running through a forest at night, tripping over one, rolling down an embankment, and getting swiped by a car, however, is. FML

by Why_Not31 / 09/01/2011 at 5:58pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned that I have the balls to base jump and skydive, but I still can't ask out the hot girl working at the pub. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 10:12am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was peeing, and I sneezed. I looked down to see that my gum had flown out of my mouth and gotten caught in my pubes. On the upside I got a new look. FML

by en3rg1zer21 / 08/06/2011 at 1:15am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my back waxed to deal with the uncontrollable hair growth. Afterwards, I broke out in numerous pimples where the hair used to be. Basically, a lose-lose situation. FML

by Mitcha857 / 07/30/2011 at 12:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I got a completely random boner at a coffee shop, five seconds before two attractive women asked me to stand up and take their picture. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2011 at 1:11pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I finished reading a book about the treatment of mental patients and decided to use some of the strategies on my dad. We've never gotten along better. FML

by Bekah / 07/04/2011 at 9:24am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was rear-ended while at a stop sign, by my driving instructor. FML

by Katie / 06/23/2011 at 12:39pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, my aunt and I went shopping. When we got to the store, she said she forgot her wallet, and I told her I would buy some things for her. When we were at the checkout, I was a dollar short. She said, "Oh, I'll get it!" and pulled out her wallet. FML

by sarahwittman / 06/13/2011 at 6:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money