FMLs submitted from Western Australia

Today, as a last resort for my back problems, I tried acupuncture. After the needles were placed and the doctor had left, I couldn't move for 30 minutes. I had a panic attack. FML

by screwed / 08/08/2014 at 8:26am / Australia (Western Australia) / Health

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:16am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, as I was picking up my 5-year-old brother from school, he hugged a girl from his class to say goodbye. His classmate's mom and I looked at each other, thinking it was adorable, until my brother decided to dry hump the side of his classmate's thigh. FML

by TheKingKen / 07/01/2014 at 8:33pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my daughter asked me how long she had to put her 2-minute noodles in the microwave for. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2014 at 7:40am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

Today, artwork that I had been working on for months was destroyed, leaving me almost in tears. The culprit? A lonely pigeon who'd got into the room and shat all over it. FML

by rc2981 / 06/13/2014 at 6:45am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2014 at 8:20pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

by the other guy? / 03/29/2014 at 5:57pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. He dumped me because apparently now there is "too much competition". FML

by biwhat / 03/08/2014 at 4:23am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, I dyed my hair. And my forehead. And my ears. And my arms. And my hands. FML

by MissDQ / 12/02/2013 at 8:47am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got accused of trying to steal clothes because I was taking so long in the fitting rooms with only a couple of items. I got stuck in one of the shirts I was trying on. FML

by MissDQ / 11/30/2013 at 4:07am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a woman screamed at me for five minutes, demanding to know how long I'd been having an affair with her husband. I explained for the second time that she'd dialed a wrong number. FML

by Tag / 08/31/2013 at 12:30am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML

by Baustigt / 08/22/2013 at 10:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

by Anon / 08/04/2013 at 1:36am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy