FMLs submitted from Western Australia

Today, at a party that was pretty big, I thought it would be funny to photobomb a photo. In doing so, I slipped over and snapped my arm in. I may now have to get surgery. The good thing is I made a hell of a photobomb. FML

by the poor man / 09/05/2015 at 1:36pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Health

Today, I dyed my hair purple. I came out of the salon and a little girl walked past and said, "Wow, you look like a mermaid!", to which her mother quickly said, "No she doesn't, she looks like her parents don't love her." FML

by laurencoc / 08/31/2015 at 6:50pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic, had to fight to pin down some total scumsucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

by hook me up with some smack, Jack / 08/01/2015 at 2:18am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, whilst vacuuming, I stupidly decided to vacuum the bathroom drain to see what would happen. Turns out it will cause stinking septic water to get sucked into the machine and spew all over the walls, ceiling and vanity. It also causes the vacuum cleaner to stop working. FML

by sucked_in / 07/22/2015 at 10:32pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was complimented on my improved performance over the last 3 months. My boss said he doesn't know what I've done to improve, but to keep it up. I'd only started looking for another job, and stopped giving a shit. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2015 at 3:06am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML

by bonzo / 06/22/2015 at 10:41am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

Today, someone finally told me that they couldn't live without me and that they love me more than anything. It was a student in my year 1 class. FML

by foreveralone / 06/09/2015 at 11:15am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

by Anonymous / 03/07/2015 at 11:59am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2015 at 5:33am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while watching a clip of the show "16 and Pregnant" on YouTube in my room, my mom yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Without skipping a beat, I yelled back, "I'm pregnant!" I'm a guy. FML

by TheKingKen / 02/13/2015 at 3:40am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML

by Idek / 01/30/2015 at 11:27am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was ringing up a woman at work. I saw she'd bought a birthday cake, so I smiled and said I hope whoever it was for has a happy birthday. She looked at me in disgust, told me to mind my own business, then called me a "chucklefuck bitch". Okay then. FML

by retailshell / 01/28/2015 at 10:01am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I found out my boyfriend dresses in my underwear and tights, takes suggestive shots of his ass and legs, and uses them to trick people into thinking he's a girl so they buy him stuff in his online games. FML

by mybfthecrossdresser / 01/20/2015 at 10:08am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love