FMLs submitted from Wellington

Today, I dropped my handbag into a water-filled gutter. As I was hurriedly fishing out the contents of my bag, I looked up. There was my ex, with the girl he left me for walking past, timed exactly to coincide with me manically scooping up one of many rapidly absorbing tampons. FML

by shamefaced / 12/06/2012 at 10:11pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Love

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2012 at 5:00am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Kids

Today, at work, I saw a van in our car park with "Hurlz Wagon" painted on its side. Laughing, I told the customer who owned it that I loved the name, and I asked was there a funny vomit story behind it. She didn't laugh, and told me it was her family name. FML

by big mouth / 09/26/2012 at 7:40am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Work

Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML

by Anonymous / 05/04/2012 at 10:27pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Love

Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML

by Pimpleeater / 12/20/2011 at 2:45am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Kids

Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my dad for indecent exposure in the past. FML

by lolomg / 09/07/2011 at 9:22pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Intimacy

Today, I went in to see my piercer. He took one look at my piercing I got a few months ago and laughed saying "What a shit job, I'm sorry but that's pretty crappy because it's not even straight!" I then had to awkwardly explain it was indeed him who had pierced me. FML

by piercingfreak / 08/28/2011 at 6:41am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I slipped and fell in mud while running from the car to inside to avoid getting wet in a torrential downpour. I was running from the limo, in my wedding dress, to the church for my wedding. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2011 at 12:26am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because apparently my mom hates him and doesn't want us to be together. My mom died six years ago. FML

by anonbob / 07/07/2011 at 9:28pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Love

Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

by gutted / 04/21/2011 at 4:33am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML

by Peppermint / 03/17/2011 at 6:00am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Work

Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML

by peedonme / 02/21/2011 at 7:23pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend drunkenly decided to let his friends cut his hair into a mullet. He won't change it. I'm supposed to introduce him to my family. FML

by botheredgf / 11/09/2010 at 7:02am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Love