FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I'm horribly out of shape. My arms are sore, almost like I'd been doing heavy lifting yesterday. Nope. It just was from squeezing cupcake icing out of a tube. FML

by RyoKioKio / 10/24/2014 at 3:26pm / United States (Washington) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was the weird girl on the city bus who falls asleep then makes a loud, weird noise and wakes herself up. FML

by pyrogypsy / 10/23/2014 at 9:05pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

by mr_cheese / 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2014 at 10:46pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2014 at 12:30pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2014 at 11:03am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

by PerfectVision / 09/11/2014 at 2:49am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I started a new job. Three of my Kenyan coworkers keep getting together and reminding me that having more than one wife is okay in their country. I've gotten 3 marriage proposals from married men so far. FML

by notmarryingyou / 09/10/2014 at 1:16pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML

by JackieD / 08/25/2014 at 2:05pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I witnessed my karate instructor whimper and practically piss himself as a guy walked up to him in the street and demanded his wallet. What a total waste of hundreds of dollars' worth of lessons. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2014 at 4:45pm / United States (Washington) / Money

Today, I was so desperately lonely that I begged a telemarketer not to hang up on me. FML

by lonely loser / 08/22/2014 at 2:04pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML

by Xbieblette51 / 08/19/2014 at 6:30pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, a customer told my boss I was too pushy because I asked her what bra size she wears. I work at a lingerie store. I got a stern lecture from my boss. FML

by sorrynotsorry / 08/18/2014 at 10:59pm / United States (Washington) / Work