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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

#20787181
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40392) - you deserved it (8388)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up at my cousin's house after staying the night. I went into the bathroom like I usually do and shut the door. Apparently the door lock on this bathroom doesn't function properly. I discovered this when my 4-year-old cousin walked in on me putting a tampon in. FML

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

#20761229
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44309) - you deserved it (3712)

On 07/03/2013 at 4:11am - kids - by Nish (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML

#20759724
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42087) - you deserved it (4265)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:17pm - misc - by dry spell (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. 20 minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

#20741908
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42784) - you deserved it (6586)

On 06/23/2013 at 12:10am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML

#20738351
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45080) - you deserved it (8281)

On 06/21/2013 at 12:44am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

#20727456
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39971) - you deserved it (3701)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML

#20721430
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63957) - you deserved it (3434)

On 06/12/2013 at 12:27pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

#20719355
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62232) - you deserved it (4169)

On 06/11/2013 at 11:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

#20704962
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46477) - you deserved it (5625)

On 06/04/2013 at 3:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML

#20703298
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41840) - you deserved it (4832)

On 06/03/2013 at 12:48pm - misc - by moreliketurdmart (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML

#20683275
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34784) - you deserved it (3271)

On 05/24/2013 at 3:06am - misc - by redneckfamily - United States (Washington)

Today, my allergies started up with a vengeance. Yesterday I broke 4 ribs and fractured my sternum. Every time I sneeze, I swear I can feel the broken bones move around. FML



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