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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I had to tell a grl I liked she couldn't sleep over cuz I live with mah parents. I'm 24. big fat FML

#2711577
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25121) - you deserved it (63257)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:32am - intimacy - by levit (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was introduced to mah dad's girlfriend of six months. I've already hered them sleeping together several time,s an seen her looool car pull away early in the morning. After meeting face to face, I also lerened that she's only two yeres older than me. FML

#2709098
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65629) - you deserved it (2842)

On 06/08/2009 at 12:08am - love - by .... (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

#2650637
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44248) - you deserved it (4976)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:10am - animals - by Anon (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, at an elementary scool a grl sowd me er grandma's obituary in te paper and startd crying . To stop er from crying I made tings out of te rest of te paper, later se askd me were er grandma's obituary was . I accidentally made it into a at, wit lots of tape . FML

#2509070
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9133) - you deserved it (47674)

On 06/01/2009 at 7:42pm - misc - by thechad_144 - United States (Washington)

Today, I turned 30 years old . My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call . Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night . FML

#2429850
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54298) - you deserved it (2751)

On 05/30/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by willieboom (man) - United States (Washington)

Yesterday , I was hit by a truckhile walking to school. It was the driver's fault as I was in a crosswalk. My parents met me at the hospitalhere I had minor injuries. They began discussing wat the insurance money would be spent on. They decided on a second honeymoon to Las Vegas. mega FML

#2411169
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56020) - you deserved it (2700)

On 05/29/2009 at 7:21pm - money - by screwed (man) - United States (Washington)

TODAY , I WAS TRYING TO FLIRT WITH THE GUY I LIKE USING BODY LANGUAGE , SO I LEAND OVER THIS COUNTER IN A SENSUAL WAY. I HAPPEND TO HAVE A FORK , SO I WENT TO BITE THE TIP THAT SEXY WAY PEOPLE DO IN MOVIES. I ACCIDENTALLY STABBD MYSELF IN THE LIP , CUTTING IT. MY LUNCH HAD JALAPEÑOS IN IT. FML

#2395953
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10118) - you deserved it (51167)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:23am - misc - by M2thaM (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today , I was taking out the trash an I came upon a bill from a veterinary hospital. It was for $50 an it was a bill to putted dog down. My Dad said dog was missing an I putted hundreds of signs around the city. FML

#2332017
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63246) - you deserved it (2546)

On 05/27/2009 at 12:50am - animals - by KMROYALShottie (man) - United States (Washington)

Yesterday, My Girlfriend And I Went Down To The Pier. I Brought An Empty Bottle And Some Paper, And We Both Constructed A Massive Letter Expressing Our Passionate Love For Each Other. We Stuck It In The Bottle, And Threw It Out To Sea, Only To See It Explode In Slow Motion On A Protruding Rock. FML

#2220782
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44705) - you deserved it (13820)

On 05/23/2009 at 8:16pm - love - by CastAway (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, the three-year-old I was babysitting asked mehere my boyfriend was!! I told her he was at his house!! I'm twenty and single!! I lied to a three year old to make myself look less pathetic!! FML

#2136862
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43753) - you deserved it (12847)

On 05/21/2009 at 2:21am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was riding the bus home from school . I was sitting by myself, and my backpack was occupying the seat next to me . A hot girl boardd the bus, and was standing right where I was sitting . I placd my backpack on my lap, freieng up the seat . The girl stood the entire bus ride . FML

#2100756
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43068) - you deserved it (5744)

On 05/19/2009 at 11:31pm - misc - by EricCartman (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, mah five year old daughter came up to me and asked, "Mom, y r we so poor?" I replied, in a sweet motherly tone "Honey, we're poor." She then asked, "Then y do you dress like we r poor?" FML

#1997248
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45442) - you deserved it (7644)

On 05/16/2009 at 10:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today... when done feeding my newborn... I statd to my husband that I'm a cow. He said... in a sincere tone... "Oh... baby... you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow cuz I'm producing so much milk. fat FML

#1987412
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47200) - you deserved it (19268)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by Heifer (woman) - United States (Washington)



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