Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. Driving her home, we got stuck in a construction zone. I waited half an hour with with my ex-girlfriend bawling her eyes out in the passenger seat as I watched the traffic lady eat her lunch. FML

#3228373
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16179) - you deserved it (59892)

On 06/26/2009 at 1:31am - love - by f03_f0r_l1f3 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was delivering pizzas for my summer job. I got a big order to deliver for a fellow graduate's party. While I was being paid for the order my friend shows up and says "Don't pay him, his parents are rich, he can handle it." Then they shut the door and took off. The bill was $75. FML

#3100953
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49811) - you deserved it (3273)

On 06/21/2009 at 8:37pm - work - by blahpizzablah (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML

#3073543
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56751) - you deserved it (15712)

On 06/20/2009 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by anonyme (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML

#3061560
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35844) - you deserved it (8454)

On 06/20/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by WhyTheFNot (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML

#3032403
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20840) - you deserved it (35067)

On 06/19/2009 at 3:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I took my dog for a walk. It became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman runs up to me and whacks me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML

#3029108
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41220) - you deserved it (2358)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:53pm - animals - by anon - United States (Washington)

Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp. He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in my ear, "You know, you're really sexy." FML

#2960234
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37688) - you deserved it (2605)

On 06/17/2009 at 3:12am - intimacy - by creepedouthostess (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML

#2827492
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66706) - you deserved it (3780)

On 06/12/2009 at 11:05am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

#2821458
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69505) - you deserved it (3734)

On 06/12/2009 at 1:33am - work - by Shoes (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML

#2711577
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25009) - you deserved it (63052)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:32am - intimacy - by levit (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was introduced to my dad's girlfriend of six months. I've already heard them sleeping together several time,s and seen her car pull away early in the morning. After meeting face to face, I also learned that she's only two years older than me. FML

#2709098
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65340) - you deserved it (2829)

On 06/08/2009 at 12:08am - love - by .... (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML

#2650637
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44032) - you deserved it (4968)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:10am - animals - by Anon (man) - United States (Washington)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: