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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML

#3583602
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7798) - you deserved it (91705)

On 07/08/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by AmberKCole (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I fell asleep on the bus and when I woke up, I found out that I missed my stop by ten stops and I was on the last bus of the night. And, to make matters worse, a drunk hobo was sitting next to me with a beer in one hand and was rubbing my leg with the other. FML

#3574946
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42407) - you deserved it (9485)

On 07/08/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by feltuponthe69 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at the movies with my mom and dad, and the preview to my "My Sisters Keeper" came on. The trailer started out with "Most babies are accidents..." Right as that line was finished my mom elbowed me and laughed. FML

#3295379
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58095) - you deserved it (4455)

On 06/28/2009 at 2:12am - kids - by A2 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. Driving her home, we got stuck in a construction zone. I waited half an hour with with my ex-girlfriend bawling her eyes out in the passenger seat as I watched the traffic lady eat her lunch. FML

#3228373
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16180) - you deserved it (59910)

On 06/26/2009 at 1:31am - love - by f03_f0r_l1f3 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was delivering pizzas for my summer job. I got a big order to deliver for a fellow graduate's party. While I was being paid for the order my friend shows up and says "Don't pay him, his parents are rich, he can handle it." Then they shut the door and took off. The bill was $75. FML

#3100953
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49821) - you deserved it (3276)

On 06/21/2009 at 8:37pm - work - by blahpizzablah (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML

#3073543
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56762) - you deserved it (15713)

On 06/20/2009 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by anonyme (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML

#3061560
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35850) - you deserved it (8454)

On 06/20/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by WhyTheFNot (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML

#3032403
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20848) - you deserved it (35072)

On 06/19/2009 at 3:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I took my dog for a walk. It became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman runs up to me and whacks me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML

#3029108
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41228) - you deserved it (2358)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:53pm - animals - by anon - United States (Washington)

Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp. He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in my ear, "You know, you're really sexy." FML

#2960234
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37700) - you deserved it (2605)

On 06/17/2009 at 3:12am - intimacy - by creepedouthostess (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML

#2827492
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66716) - you deserved it (3781)

On 06/12/2009 at 11:05am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

#2821458
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69513) - you deserved it (3734)

On 06/12/2009 at 1:33am - work - by Shoes (woman) - United States (Washington)



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