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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML

#4623862
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40360) - you deserved it (9035)

On 08/18/2009 at 7:47am - health - by Ahhwtf (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a girl was tailgating me, even though I was going at speed limit. Annoyed, I drove 10 mph under the speed limit, and every time she honked, I went 5mph slower. Too bad she got the last laugh... I was pulled over for "reckless driving." FML

#4589153
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18267) - you deserved it (42565)

On 08/17/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by tailgaterhater - United States (Washington)

Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML

#4495207
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21675) - you deserved it (51175)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to Safeway. Go in, get stuff, come out, and I have almost no room to get into my car because an SUV was parked in a compact spot next to me all crooked. Irritated, I got a pen and paper and wrote 'Nice parking you F*ing idiot' and stuck it on the windshield. Then I notice someone was in the SUV. FML

#4442846
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14160) - you deserved it (41530)

On 08/11/2009 at 1:52am - misc - by Amanda (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

#4428551
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8911) - you deserved it (67814)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:28pm - misc - by hitandrun (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML

#4402350
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14200) - you deserved it (51019)

On 08/09/2009 at 3:28am - kids - by mochiko (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML

#4380493
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41047) - you deserved it (6171)

On 08/08/2009 at 4:48am - misc - by rivercitybarf (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went out drinking with a female friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, She said 'Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?'. Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy at the bar. FML

#4356438
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43484) - you deserved it (4691)

On 08/07/2009 at 5:43am - love - by ineedanotherdrink (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

#4235040
414 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14098) - you deserved it (119199)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by jeeperspeepers (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

#4222562
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44528) - you deserved it (3665)

On 08/02/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad told me he was planning to have his steady girlfriend over for dinner. He's only had a few relationships since he and my mom split up when I was very young, so I was excited to meet the woman. He then told me that I knew her already. My dad is dating my aunt on my mothers side. FML

#4176016
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48792) - you deserved it (2375)

On 07/31/2009 at 4:03am - love - by FreakedOut (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after receiving a message about being hired at a retail store, I went to the orientation for new employees. The trainer seemed perplexed when I told him my name, but he gave me my paperwork and continued with training. At the end of the 8 hour day, he asked to talk to me. I wasn't actually hired. FML

#4172505
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38416) - you deserved it (2528)

On 07/30/2009 at 9:30pm - work - by LMN (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking to my mom lamenting the fact that none of my few relationships seem to last longer than 2 months. She asked why and I said, "because I'm paranoid, obsessive compulsive, judgmental, defensive, and stubborn." Instead of encouraging me, she said, "Well, at least you're honest." FML

#4026463
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11527) - you deserved it (41607)

On 07/25/2009 at 7:13am - love - by lonely (man) - United States (Washington)



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