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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML

#2429850
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47282) - you deserved it (1906)

On 05/30/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by willieboom (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was hit by a truck while walking to school. It was the driver's fault as I was in a crosswalk. My parents met me at the hospital where I had minor injuries. They began discussing what the insurance money would be spent on. They decided on a second honeymoon to Las Vegas. FML

#2411169
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50906) - you deserved it (2326)

On 05/29/2009 at 7:21pm - money - by screwed (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML

#2395953
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9415) - you deserved it (49314)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:23am - misc - by M2thaM (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was taking out the trash and I came upon a bill from a veterinary hospital. It was for $50 and it was a bill to put my dog down. My Dad said my dog was missing and I put hundreds of signs around the city. FML

#2332017
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57810) - you deserved it (2181)

On 05/27/2009 at 12:50am - animals - by KMROYALShottie (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

#2220782
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37400) - you deserved it (10113)

On 05/23/2009 at 8:16pm - love - by CastAway (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, the three-year-old I was babysitting asked me where my boyfriend was. I told her he was at his house. I'm twenty and single. I lied to a three year old to make myself look less pathetic. FML

#2136862
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38917) - you deserved it (11226)

On 05/21/2009 at 2:21am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was riding the bus home from school. I was sitting by myself, and my backpack was occupying the seat next to me. A hot girl boarded the bus, and was standing right where I was sitting. I placed my backpack on my lap, freeing up the seat. The girl stood the entire bus ride. FML

#2100756
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40443) - you deserved it (5399)

On 05/19/2009 at 11:31pm - misc - by EricCartman (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and asked, "Mom, why are we so poor?" I replied, in a sweet motherly tone "Honey, we're not poor." She then asked, "Then why do you dress like we are poor?" FML

#1997248
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41797) - you deserved it (7150)

On 05/16/2009 at 10:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

#1987412
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45197) - you deserved it (18627)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by Heifer (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert. At the concert they put up a sign that said "Scream if you love country boys." My boyfriend took one look at it and started screaming. FML

#1971558
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50993) - you deserved it (10428)

On 05/16/2009 at 3:52am - love - by TayTay (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was cleaning my apartment because I'm moving. I was being really thorough so I could get as much of the damage deposit back as possible. I noticed I still had one of those 3M plastic hooks on the wall, and when I went to carefully take it off, a large chunk of the wall came with it. FML

#1896240
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39808) - you deserved it (7570)

On 05/13/2009 at 3:13am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I took my parents and 3 sisters to the airport so they could take a trip to Hawaii. I wasn't invited because they don't like my husband. They asked me to watch the dog and water the plants. FML

#1845673
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47405) - you deserved it (6360)

On 05/11/2009 at 3:45pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)



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