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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I was showing my friend's dad an airsoft gun I was hoping he would be interested in buying. It's a pistol worth about 90 bucks. In the midst of showing him, I thought it would be funny to do a fake, upwards "pistol whip". The mag ended up flying out full speed and hitting him in the eye. FML

#5908377
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5111) - you deserved it (39206)

On 10/20/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by gunman (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

#5903153
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21094) - you deserved it (3540)

On 10/19/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by JohnB (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I bought a safe. I put all of my most prized possessions in it, including all of my jewelry, family heirlooms and important papers. Oh, and just before I locked it up, I put the key to the safe in there too. FML

#5853420
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9340) - you deserved it (44215)

On 10/16/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by smarty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to work to find two new beautiful trainees. I thought maybe I might be able to hook up with one of them, so I walk up and flash my blue eyes and begin to act like a gentleman. Not five minutes into our conversation the girls ask me if there are any cute guys working here. FML

#5764838
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13490) - you deserved it (33891)

On 10/10/2009 at 9:04pm - work - by SadisticSatire (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my best friend and I went to the movies. There was a hot cashier, so I thought it would be cool to talk in a British accent to try and be sexy. I walked up and started talking when he interrupted me and said in a very heavy British accent, "I know you're faking. You can stop now." FML

#5752857
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6901) - you deserved it (53034)

On 10/10/2009 at 2:10am - work - by dammitt (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was locked inside my dorm room. Yeah, inside. How? Some of my floormates decided to stick pennies in the door frame, which jammed the handle. I was stuck inside my room and had to pee really bad. I couldn't call an RA to get me out either. Why? I am the RA. FML

#5705668
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34308) - you deserved it (4526)

On 10/07/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by pennyhater (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to write a huge lab for my physics class. It's worth my entire quarter grade and I use a program on a CD for graphing. My mom thought it was a computer game and hid the CD. She can't find it. The lab's due tomorrow. FML

#5656241
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37052) - you deserved it (3321)

On 10/05/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by Bento (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the doctors and was told I would need an inhaler. My mom came back from the pharmacy and told me the copay of $35 dollars was way too expensive, so she is making me use my cat's old inhaler. My mom values my cat's ability to breathe more then my own. FML

#5627700
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35321) - you deserved it (2189)

On 10/03/2009 at 7:17pm - misc - by juliasaman - United States (Washington)

Today, my crush was talking to me on Facebook. He said, "Did you know that 99% of the time a guy is talking to a girl it's because he wants to go out with her? Yeah, well, this is that 1%." FML

#5579906
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40582) - you deserved it (3200)

On 10/01/2009 at 2:59am - love - by Icy (woman) - United States (Washington) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I thought that I had finally sold the car I've been trying to sell for two years. I had the money in my hand and had given over the title. As the "new" owner went to drive it away, the car wouldn't start. I had to give the money back. FML

Today, my boyfriend found out that he has kidney failure. He was feeling sick for a few weeks and I had told him to drink lots of fluids and eat vegetables. Apparently that is really bad for kidney patients. I was killing him with water and spinach salads. FML

Today, my sister bought my five year old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

#5488289
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33413) - you deserved it (7163)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:28pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

#5419998
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30410) - you deserved it (7405)

On 09/22/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by cchandler (woman) - United States (Washington)



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