FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I was on the phone with my mother. She asked me if I was going to make it to Christmas at home. I told her that I would try and make it home since it would be my grandma's last Christmas alive. To my luck, grandma was sitting in the car with my mother, and speaker phone was in use. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 12:09pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 4:11am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, I got sentenced to 20 hours community service for having a boy in my room an hour after floor hours. If I don't do the community service, I could get kicked out of the dorm and put on probation at my college. We were breaking up. FML

by pixie09 / 11/08/2010 at 3:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that my parents never ground me as a punishment because I don't get out enough for it to matter. FML

by evilparents / 11/01/2010 at 4:10pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend. In hopes of him putting his arm around me or holding my hand, I told him that I was very scared and pretended to cry a little. He told me to be quiet because I was ruining the movie for him. Then he moved seats. FML

by Samantha / 10/30/2010 at 1:41am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, a cute girl came up to me with her boyfriend and said, "If you end up looking like him, it's over." FML

by nonexistant / 10/29/2010 at 12:33am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I found out that my wife named our son after her ex boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2010 at 11:36pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2010 at 3:31am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I found my pet hamster that escaped yesterday, wet and soggy, next to my pet dog. My dog chewed it. FML

by poorhamster / 10/23/2010 at 2:22am / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said "Good." FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 2:36am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2010 at 1:46am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom rolled up the car window on my fingers. She thought my yelling and crying was because I was throwing a tantrum. I'm 26. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2010 at 3:41am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to Seattle with my mom to visit my pregnant sister, only to end up being dragged to a store to buy maternity clothes. The saleswoman apologized to me repeatedly for not having a lounge for the fathers, but congratulated me on the baby. I'm a girl. FML

by harvdog / 10/02/2010 at 3:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous