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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I finally finished vacuuming my downstairs. Instead of finding the wall outlet and unplugging the vacuum, I triumphantly tugged the cord from across the room to release the plug from the wall. It flew at me at top speed and hit me in the face. FML

#6723813
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6407) - you deserved it (36881)

On 12/12/2009 at 3:36pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up at 7 am to take my last final. When I got to the parking lot, I realized my car was missing. After speaking to the police for 3 hours, I called my girlfriend to let her know what happened. She then told me I had parked on the street the night before. So much for the 8 am final. FML

#6689873
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6712) - you deserved it (26690)

On 12/10/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by nofinal (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while driving, I witnessed the neighbors dog viciously shaking a black cat. So I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car, frantically chasing around the huge dog screaming "Help, someone please help!" I finally managed to tackle him and release the cat. It was a stuffed animal. FML

#6659884
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11044) - you deserved it (29082)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:26am - animals - by damncat (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

#6624561
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13785) - you deserved it (33025)

On 12/05/2009 at 10:37pm - health - by soupduped (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year old son starts rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly. "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looks at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML

#6620817
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30408) - you deserved it (2786)

On 12/05/2009 at 7:04pm - animals - by Sissy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

#6596856
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20447) - you deserved it (6100)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:48am - intimacy - by Not-so-sexy - United States (Washington)

Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

#6580116
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30844) - you deserved it (2236)

On 12/03/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my friend accidentally left her facebook logged onto my computer after she left my house. I looked on her facebook and found a very long message between her and my other friends talking about how much they hate me. FML

#6506923
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40178) - you deserved it (7986)

On 11/29/2009 at 1:31am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML

#6454408
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24197) - you deserved it (5241)

On 11/25/2009 at 10:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how I'm self conscious about my weight. He looks at me and says, "Don't worry babe, I've always been kind of a chubby chaser." FML

#6430848
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23089) - you deserved it (7030)

On 11/24/2009 at 12:03am - health - by cc (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML

#6417968
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28752) - you deserved it (2389)

On 11/23/2009 at 2:31am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss called me into her office to tell me I needed to mind my own business and not question everything my newest co-worker does. Yesterday, I stopped the new girl from giving $6,000 to the wrong person. I was fired on the spot. The new girl was promoted into my job. FML

#6400678
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38609) - you deserved it (2633)

On 11/22/2009 at 2:31am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML

#6377275
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7893) - you deserved it (38518)

On 11/20/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by Links (man) - United States (Washington)



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