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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

#21334864
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32563) - you deserved it (7315)

On 01/11/2015 at 12:56am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom finally got a Netflix account after months of me begging. When I asked her what the login was, she refused to give it to me. She said, "Netflix will know it's not me and then they'll cancel our account." FML

Today, I woke up to the lovely sounds of goats having escaped their pen and climbed onto the roof. Again. FML

Today, I dug out the 5 fancy, extremely expensive candles I bought during Black Friday. I lit one up, and was delighted that it smelled so great. My mother then walked into my room and stated that it smelled "like shit". The other four were going to be a Christmas gift for her. FML

#21309261
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30894) - you deserved it (3289)

On 12/01/2014 at 2:30am - money - by shitty candles - United States (Washington)

Today, I was getting to second base with a really hot guy, but I couldn't stop laughing when he said my boobs were "soft like cake." He got so embarrassed that he lost his boner. FML

#21303170
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37134) - you deserved it (10939)

On 11/21/2014 at 4:56am - intimacy - by weirdthingtosay (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a girl said to me, "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend". I hadn't said anything to her. FML

Today, my wife received a $15,000 bonus from her work. I got a backpack from mine. FML

#21300231
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28120) - you deserved it (3003)

On 11/16/2014 at 6:25pm - misc - by INeedaNewJob (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I threw out my back while trying to put together my new ergonomic chair, which was supposed to help my bad back. FML

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29972) - you deserved it (25149)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I'm horribly out of shape. My arms are sore, almost like I'd been doing heavy lifting yesterday. Nope. It just was from squeezing cupcake icing out of a tube. FML

Today, I was the weird girl on the city bus who falls asleep then makes a loud, weird noise and wakes herself up. FML

#21284017
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31098) - you deserved it (4315)

On 10/23/2014 at 9:05pm - misc - by pyrogypsy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

#21283193
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15550) - you deserved it (34794)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by mr_cheese (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

#21266077
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35761) - you deserved it (3284)

On 09/26/2014 at 10:46pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)



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