Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (49883) - you deserved it (12085)
On 06/20/2009 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by anonyme (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30944) - you deserved it (7805)
On 06/20/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by WhyTheFNot (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17771) - you deserved it (26130)
On 06/19/2009 at 3:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I took my dog for a walk. It became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman runs up to me and whacks me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35801) - you deserved it (1968)
On 06/19/2009 at 12:53pm - animals - by anon - United States (Washington)
Today, while working in a restaurant, I took an elderly man to his table under a red colored lamp. He asked me if this was "the red light district." I thought he was just kidding until when I was placing down the menus he leaned in and whispered creepily in my ear, "You know, you're really sexy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32267) - you deserved it (1850)
On 06/17/2009 at 3:12am - intimacy - by creepedouthostess (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's parents' house for dinner, and I thought no one was looking, I picked my nose and put it underneath my chair. Turns out she has a little brother who found it appropriate to point at me and scream, "Booger monster, Booger monster!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (5164) - you deserved it (52813)
On 06/16/2009 at 7:37pm - kids - by buggermonster (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58529) - you deserved it (2721)
On 06/12/2009 at 11:05am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60754) - you deserved it (2758)
On 06/12/2009 at 1:33am - work - by Shoes (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21562) - you deserved it (58066)
On 06/08/2009 at 3:32am - intimacy - by levit (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was introduced to my dad's girlfriend of six months. I've already heard them sleeping together several time,s and seen her car pull away early in the morning. After meeting face to face, I also learned that she's only two years older than me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57307) - you deserved it (2014)
On 06/08/2009 at 12:08am - love - by .... (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was driving behind a UPS truck. All of a sudden his back door opens up exposing some boxes ready to fall out. Like a good driver I speed up to drive beside him to tell him. He thought I was trying to cut him off so he accelerated. A box flies out and dents my windshield. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37940) - you deserved it (3731)
On 06/06/2009 at 1:10am - animals - by Anon (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, at an elementary school a girl showed me her grandma's obituary in the paper and started crying. To stop her from crying I made things out of the rest of the paper, later she asked me where her grandma's obituary was. I accidentally made it into a hat, with lots of tape. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7146) - you deserved it (34971)
On 06/01/2009 at 7:42pm - misc - by thechad_144 - United States (Washington)
Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46520) - you deserved it (1875)
On 05/30/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by willieboom (man) - United States (Washington)
Friday 24 May 2013
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