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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I checked my email after a week of no cell reception or internet while I was stuck at a family holiday cottage. There was an email offering me the RA job I've been trying to get for almost a year, telling me congratulations and to reply by Friday if I accepted. Last Friday. FML

#6960951
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25957) - you deserved it (3075)

On 12/26/2009 at 7:34pm - work - by Humbug (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out where all my expensive bras and panties have been disappearing to. Apparently, while I'm at work, my fifteen year-old son's girlfriend has been stealing them after they have sex in my bed. FML

#6874607
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23715) - you deserved it (2895)

On 12/21/2009 at 10:28pm - intimacy - by Secretisout (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

#6824499
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31086) - you deserved it (2553)

On 12/19/2009 at 4:44am - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandpa sent me a letter apologizing for not congratulating me about my graduation last spring. Too bad I don't graduate until May. FML

#6795980
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20286) - you deserved it (3690)

On 12/17/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by chill (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who I have been trying to get back together with, texted me. He asked me how life was going, he then asked me if I had the naked picture of him saved on my phone. I asked him why. He replied that he wanted to send it to his crush. FML

#6773242
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25766) - you deserved it (4014)

On 12/16/2009 at 1:15am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to a movie with a girl I went to high school with. There was a preview for an upcoming 3D movie. I asked her if she had ever seen a 3D movie before. She told me she couldn't because she is blind in one eye. Apparently it's a "sensitive subject." FML

#6762994
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25815) - you deserved it (4207)

On 12/15/2009 at 9:49am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I finally finished vacuuming my downstairs. Instead of finding the wall outlet and unplugging the vacuum, I triumphantly tugged the cord from across the room to release the plug from the wall. It flew at me at top speed and hit me in the face. FML

#6723813
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6061) - you deserved it (35829)

On 12/12/2009 at 3:36pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up at 7 am to take my last final. When I got to the parking lot, I realized my car was missing. After speaking to the police for 3 hours, I called my girlfriend to let her know what happened. She then told me I had parked on the street the night before. So much for the 8 am final. FML

#6689873
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6231) - you deserved it (25529)

On 12/10/2009 at 1:34am - misc - by nofinal (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while driving, I witnessed the neighbors dog viciously shaking a black cat. So I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car, frantically chasing around the huge dog screaming "Help, someone please help!" I finally managed to tackle him and release the cat. It was a stuffed animal. FML

#6659884
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10655) - you deserved it (28434)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:26am - animals - by damncat (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

#6624561
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13712) - you deserved it (32904)

On 12/05/2009 at 10:37pm - health - by soupduped (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year old son starts rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly. "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looks at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML

#6620817
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30246) - you deserved it (2773)

On 12/05/2009 at 7:04pm - animals - by Sissy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

#6596856
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19792) - you deserved it (5991)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:48am - intimacy - by Not-so-sexy - United States (Washington)

Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

#6580116
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30655) - you deserved it (2228)

On 12/03/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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