FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML

by camzzz / 07/02/2011 at 4:27am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, as I was going to bed, I spotted a man staring at my window from a neighbor's yard. Ten minutes later, he was still there. I freaked out, started crying, and contemplated calling the cops. My creeper turned out to be the neighbor's wooden lawn ornament. FML

by Nell / 06/30/2011 at 5:10pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML

by SheenaL / 06/27/2011 at 2:26am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend threw me into his pool. I had my phone and iPod in my pockets. FML

by pod / 06/25/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got officially uninvited to a party. This is the third one this month. FML

by loser / 06/19/2011 at 4:44am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied "No", he said "You mean you always look like that?" FML

by notastoner / 06/19/2011 at 2:38am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my grandmother's graduation presents came for my sisters. Not only did she remember to send them cards, but money too. My graduation was a year ago, I received nothing, and last time she saw me, she didn't know my name. FML

by UnlovedGrandchild / 06/13/2011 at 9:14pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML

by rileynautumn / 06/13/2011 at 3:04pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I was at my sister's wedding reception. My boyfriend of 3 years decided to give a toast to the happy couple. He was drunk and confessed his undying love to my sister. FML

by Uhh / 06/13/2011 at 12:12pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

by suze44 / 06/13/2011 at 10:22am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me. I was crying for over an hour in my room. My dad came in and asked what was wrong. Just as I was about to tell him, he stops me and simply says "Oh, honey. I don't care... Just keep the noise down." Then walks out. FML

by daddylove / 06/12/2011 at 12:21am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

by yup / 06/05/2011 at 3:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML

by FMLer / 05/27/2011 at 4:57pm / United States (Washington) / Geek