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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, at a bar, a woman approched me and tried to set me up with her friend. Looking around, the only people in the bar were a man reading the paper and a very ugly woman, looking at me and smiling. I worriedly replied, "I'm sorry, but I'm gay." Turns out her friend was the one reading the paper. FML

#7295909
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10283) - you deserved it (36662)

On 01/12/2010 at 5:26am - love - by awkward23 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML

#7224292
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22602) - you deserved it (5057)

On 01/08/2010 at 9:09pm - misc - by crappy_day (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking to a hot girl at the bus stop. She seemed interested in me and I was feeling a connection forming. When the bus came, I offered to let her board first, but she said it "wasn't her bus" and said goodbye. Later, I realized I'd spent 20 minutes making moves on a prostitute. FML

#7203534
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16522) - you deserved it (6137)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:19pm - intimacy - by SlappyMcGee (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was going to the bathroom. As I was about to wipe, I noticed that the toilet paper had butterflies printed on it. Never before had I felt bad for wiping my ass. FML

#7196823
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7936) - you deserved it (25204)

On 01/07/2010 at 9:43am - misc - by Doomy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was setting up comcast cable boxes for my house. I had the packaging everywhere when I finished. Looking admirably at my job, I backed out my door, and stepped on bubble wrap, scaring myself. I flailed, fell, reached out, grabbing one of the cable wires. I pulled the cable box and my modem off. FML

#7099836
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8220) - you deserved it (18228)

On 01/02/2010 at 4:18am - misc - by cmilla (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was in a busy airport bathroom with my three year old son. While in the process of pulling my pants down, my son decided to open the stall door. I jumped up to yank the door closed but not before the line of waiting women saw me with my pants wrapped around my ankles. FML

#7039639
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22970) - you deserved it (3727)

On 12/30/2009 at 5:42pm - kids - by doody (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out my reward for topping three of the four employee performance charts was a paycut. FML

#7010601
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22993) - you deserved it (1828)

On 12/29/2009 at 6:42am - work - by Stumanji (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my booty call only likes to have sex with me so afterwards he can watch ESPN on my plasma screen TV, because he has neither. FML

#7009296
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8492) - you deserved it (12915)

On 12/29/2009 at 3:59am - intimacy - by pieceofcake163 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

#7004300
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16416) - you deserved it (2896)

On 12/29/2009 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

#6989911
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83715) - you deserved it (4749)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to the dog than sitting in the same room as me. FML

#6981473
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20466) - you deserved it (2392)

On 12/27/2009 at 10:14pm - animals - by hated (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking to the bus stop. I saw a chunk of ice and attempted to kick it. Sadly it was frozen to the ground, so I fell, broke my toe, and missed the bus. Even the bus driver was laughing as he drove by. FML

#6969489
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10820) - you deserved it (25186)

On 12/27/2009 at 3:43am - misc - by Icy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wrote 50 dollars on my gift card just to look generous, it's really only worth five. I found this out after I tried to buy an arm full of clothes. FML

#6969342
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31999) - you deserved it (2623)

On 12/27/2009 at 3:34am - money - by Cheap (woman) - United States (Washington)



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