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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, my boyfriend decided to perform a strip tease for me. As he was stripping out of his clothes, he took his shirt and then pants off first. He was wearing zebra striped knee high socks and underwear. I burst out laughing. He left. FML

#7606758
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9329) - you deserved it (23594)

On 01/27/2010 at 2:35am - intimacy - by DuChaillu (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML

#7505237
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31743) - you deserved it (4793)

On 01/22/2010 at 7:10pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss just looked at me and said, "No. You can't quit." FML

#7414727
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28569) - you deserved it (6078)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:28am - work - by toolegittoquit (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in the park and I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

#7314783
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28637) - you deserved it (3984)

On 01/13/2010 at 3:07am - love - by Juanna (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, at a bar, a woman approched me and tried to set me up with her friend. Looking around, the only people in the bar were a man reading the paper and a very ugly woman, looking at me and smiling. I worriedly replied, "I'm sorry, but I'm gay." Turns out her friend was the one reading the paper. FML

#7295909
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10297) - you deserved it (36704)

On 01/12/2010 at 5:26am - love - by awkward23 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML

#7224292
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22640) - you deserved it (5061)

On 01/08/2010 at 9:09pm - misc - by crappy_day (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking to a hot girl at the bus stop. She seemed interested in me and I was feeling a connection forming. When the bus came, I offered to let her board first, but she said it "wasn't her bus" and said goodbye. Later, I realized I'd spent 20 minutes making moves on a prostitute. FML

#7203534
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16571) - you deserved it (6142)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:19pm - intimacy - by SlappyMcGee (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was going to the bathroom. As I was about to wipe, I noticed that the toilet paper had butterflies printed on it. Never before had I felt bad for wiping my ass. FML

#7196823
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7951) - you deserved it (25222)

On 01/07/2010 at 9:43am - misc - by Doomy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was setting up comcast cable boxes for my house. I had the packaging everywhere when I finished. Looking admirably at my job, I backed out my door, and stepped on bubble wrap, scaring myself. I flailed, fell, reached out, grabbing one of the cable wires. I pulled the cable box and my modem off. FML

#7099836
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8229) - you deserved it (18252)

On 01/02/2010 at 4:18am - misc - by cmilla (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was in a busy airport bathroom with my three year old son. While in the process of pulling my pants down, my son decided to open the stall door. I jumped up to yank the door closed but not before the line of waiting women saw me with my pants wrapped around my ankles. FML

#7039639
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23002) - you deserved it (3729)

On 12/30/2009 at 5:42pm - kids - by doody (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out my reward for topping three of the four employee performance charts was a paycut. FML

#7010601
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23026) - you deserved it (1831)

On 12/29/2009 at 6:42am - work - by Stumanji (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my booty call only likes to have sex with me so afterwards he can watch ESPN on my plasma screen TV, because he has neither. FML

#7009296
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8499) - you deserved it (12930)

On 12/29/2009 at 3:59am - intimacy - by pieceofcake163 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

#7004300
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16464) - you deserved it (2901)

On 12/29/2009 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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