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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

#8902353
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19227) - you deserved it (2135)

On 03/07/2010 at 8:46pm - work - by liz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML

#8887792
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36111) - you deserved it (2352)

On 03/07/2010 at 5:27am - misc - by notamathematician (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

#8861010
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9020) - you deserved it (26397)

On 03/06/2010 at 1:10am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML

#8716792
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10221) - you deserved it (19996)

On 02/28/2010 at 12:10pm - misc - by maddy - United States (Washington)

 Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

#8464823
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28070) - you deserved it (2311)

On 02/20/2010 at 12:30am - love - by izhamilton (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my car got a wheel lock because I had 5 tickets. Three of those tickets dated back to 2006. I got my car and license in 2008. FML

#7835541
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28274) - you deserved it (3107)

On 02/03/2010 at 12:11am - money - by olyswimmer (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend watching a home made sex tape he had previously made with his ex-girlfriend. What's worse than him jerking off to it? He was crying and hugging a pillow. FML

#7811688
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31564) - you deserved it (2606)

On 02/02/2010 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I accidentally emailed the entire company everyone's salary, sales history, and the names of four people I intended to fire. FML

#7709427
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11286) - you deserved it (42820)

On 01/30/2010 at 2:21pm - work - by Whoopsx99 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend decided to perform a strip tease for me. As he was stripping out of his clothes, he took his shirt and then pants off first. He was wearing zebra striped knee high socks and underwear. I burst out laughing. He left. FML

#7606758
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9016) - you deserved it (23016)

On 01/27/2010 at 2:35am - intimacy - by DuChaillu (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML

#7505237
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31702) - you deserved it (4789)

On 01/22/2010 at 7:10pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss just looked at me and said, "No. You can't quit." FML

#7414727
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28529) - you deserved it (6075)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:28am - work - by toolegittoquit (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in the park and I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

#7314783
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27919) - you deserved it (3908)

On 01/13/2010 at 3:07am - love - by Juanna (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, at a bar, a woman approched me and tried to set me up with her friend. Looking around, the only people in the bar were a man reading the paper and a very ugly woman, looking at me and smiling. I worriedly replied, "I'm sorry, but I'm gay." Turns out her friend was the one reading the paper. FML

#7295909
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10282) - you deserved it (36653)

On 01/12/2010 at 5:26am - love - by awkward23 (man) - United States (Washington)



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