FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied "No", he said "You mean you always look like that?" FML

by notastoner / 06/19/2011 at 2:38am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my grandmother's graduation presents came for my sisters. Not only did she remember to send them cards, but money too. My graduation was a year ago, I received nothing, and last time she saw me, she didn't know my name. FML

by UnlovedGrandchild / 06/13/2011 at 9:14pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML

by rileynautumn / 06/13/2011 at 3:04pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I was at my sister's wedding reception. My boyfriend of 3 years decided to give a toast to the happy couple. He was drunk and confessed his undying love to my sister. FML

by Uhh / 06/13/2011 at 12:12pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

by suze44 / 06/13/2011 at 10:22am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me. I was crying for over an hour in my room. My dad came in and asked what was wrong. Just as I was about to tell him, he stops me and simply says "Oh, honey. I don't care... Just keep the noise down." Then walks out. FML

by daddylove / 06/12/2011 at 12:21am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

by yup / 06/05/2011 at 3:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML

by FMLer / 05/27/2011 at 4:57pm / United States (Washington) / Geek

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. This is the seventh time in a row that she hasn't moved or made any noises the entire way through. FML

by Motionless / 05/26/2011 at 5:55am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I got fired from my job at a small start-up company. Why? The CEO wanted to give a job to one of his former fraternity brothers who is out of work, and they couldn't afford to keep us both. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2011 at 2:12pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

by pigeons_suck / 05/11/2011 at 5:17pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

by scruffy / 05/10/2011 at 1:24pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I was walking through my kitchen when I discovered a weak spot in the floor. Tomorrow, I'm going to have to fix the giant hole caused when I put my foot through it. FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2011 at 5:42pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous