FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

by skichick54 / 08/24/2011 at 1:28am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband bought me a cinnamon roll because my blood sugar was dangerously low. My first bite was easily the most delicious thing I'd eaten since getting pregnant. As I sat in frosting coated ecstasy, my husband snatched up the rest of the pastry and finished it himself. FML

by AmySweet / 08/18/2011 at 5:41pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML

by santasadiekins / 08/17/2011 at 1:25pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my potbellied pig ate my neighbor's award-winning flower garden, that she has been growing for almost three years. She'd told me that she was bringing the judges of the competition, in which she was in line to win $300, to her house in two days. I have yet to tell her. FML

by otter / 08/16/2011 at 10:05pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML

by James / 08/12/2011 at 3:54am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, a customer threw his cup of coffee at me screaming that it wasn't hot enough. Well, maybe it wasn't hot enough for him, but it was sure hot enough to burn me. FML

by localbarista / 08/03/2011 at 7:46pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I learned that my daughter's gerbils are not afraid of the vacuum cleaner. FML

by corasmom / 07/27/2011 at 2:09pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML

by smokin / 07/26/2011 at 5:22pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, after a year of suspicion, I finally found out my sister is in a cult. My family's response? "It will be good for her." FML

by allycat / 07/24/2011 at 11:26pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was hot out, so I opted to stay cool and wear my bathing suit all day. My mom took it as me rubbing in the fact that I'm thinner than her and grounded me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2011 at 4:21pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was riding on the bus, when I felt a weird sensation on my hair. The person behind me was petting it. FML

by imnotacat / 07/19/2011 at 9:29pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

by douglas / 07/17/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Washington) / Kids