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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

#16131734
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30461) - you deserved it (2601)

On 05/11/2011 at 5:17pm - health - by pigeons_suck (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

#16117533
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14681) - you deserved it (34948)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:24pm - work - by scruffy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking through my kitchen when I discovered a weak spot in the floor. Tomorrow, I'm going to have to fix the giant hole caused when I put my foot through it. FML

#16080976
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24704) - you deserved it (4464)

On 05/07/2011 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML

#16033229
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14021) - you deserved it (31201)

On 05/03/2011 at 3:51pm - health - by Username - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad went through my room while I was out and threw away the "inappropriate pictures" that he found. They're the nudes I've been working on for art class. FML

#15992331
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35446) - you deserved it (4811)

On 04/30/2011 at 4:30pm - misc - by OhGreat - United States (Washington)

Today, I ran into an old friend from college on the bus to work. Having not seen each other in over 10 years, we spent a good 15 minutes talking about our lives after college. At the end, he asked me what my name was. FML

#15979346
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28666) - you deserved it (4639)

On 04/29/2011 at 4:25pm - misc - by Jaggu (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML

#15947062
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13446) - you deserved it (39735)

On 04/27/2011 at 9:35am - kids - by BadgerSpirit (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

#15934305
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44998) - you deserved it (5624)

On 04/26/2011 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by Scarlett - United States (Washington)

Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML

#15865508
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38056) - you deserved it (3449)

On 04/20/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I held a door open for my boyfriend and jokingly said, "Chivalry is dead?" He responded with, "Who's chivalry?" FML

#15780453
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29131) - you deserved it (7164)

On 04/14/2011 at 1:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML

#15706061
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38646) - you deserved it (8076)

On 04/09/2011 at 7:40am - misc - by Tweety (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, someone wearing dark grey clothes thought it would be a good idea to run in front of my car in the pouring rain. I slammed on my brakes and managed to stop before I'd have turned him into a blood sprinkler. Unfortunately, the person behind me didn't. FML

Today, I'm babysitting three children under the age of seven. They have no discipline, don't listen, scream all the time, won't nap, terrorize my dog, and have peed their pants a collective 5 times today. I am not getting paid for this. Their mother has no plans to come get them any time soon. FML

#15475635
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37160) - you deserved it (9185)

On 03/24/2011 at 11:36pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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