Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML

#17933094
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33139) - you deserved it (2708)

On 10/08/2011 at 2:48am - health - by ohgawd (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

#17892835
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36943) - you deserved it (5780)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:26am - kids - by Ramis182 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

#17874410
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29556) - you deserved it (6595)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered that the ancient looking coin I dug up in my front yard is worth hundreds of dollars. Too bad I found that coin when I was eight years old, and have since misplaced it. FML

#17786535
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28530) - you deserved it (6531)

On 09/20/2011 at 6:07am - money - by Ugh - United States (Washington)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60156) - you deserved it (5933)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML

#17709255
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16836) - you deserved it (34299)

On 09/10/2011 at 3:11am - misc - by FullOfNick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a car backed into mine. I thought that was pretty bad, until another car backed into me right after I'd finished taking the first guy's info. FML

#17701558
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29677) - you deserved it (2068)

On 09/09/2011 at 12:51am - misc - by Mark - United States (Washington)

Today, my husband used our last $2000 to buy himself a motorcycle. It's supposed to "save us a lot on gas money." FML

#17694243
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26241) - you deserved it (3086)

On 09/08/2011 at 1:36am - money - by julesmommy - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML

#17675757
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14236) - you deserved it (26824)

On 09/05/2011 at 10:52pm - health - by wheezy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty, when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, "Tell your friend you're going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here." from his dad. Apparently, I'm not good enough to feed. FML

#17657818
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38602) - you deserved it (7686)

On 09/04/2011 at 12:16am - misc - by Pizza-less - United States (Washington)

Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pounds father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML

#17602503
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31791) - you deserved it (3080)

On 08/28/2011 at 4:27am - misc - by CooBerry3851 - United States (Washington)

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

#17564993
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41430) - you deserved it (3581)

On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)

Today, my husband bought me a cinnamon roll because my blood sugar was dangerously low. My first bite was easily the most delicious thing I'd eaten since getting pregnant. As I sat in frosting coated ecstasy, my husband snatched up the rest of the pastry and finished it himself. FML

#17511750
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32538) - you deserved it (4407)

On 08/18/2011 at 5:41pm - health - by AmySweet - United States (Washington)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: