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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

#15165919
340 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17641) - you deserved it (83220)

On 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by Anon. (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I finally taught my mom how to text message people. Now I get a message from her every 30 seconds saying "Hi". FML

#15066931
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25590) - you deserved it (14800)

On 02/21/2011 at 4:07pm - misc - by moweezy9 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, as I go to a small private Christian college, the academic dean came up to me and asked me to put some old records on CD, since I have a record player that can do that. I had to listen to eight records of old students from the 1970's singing bible thumper Christian hippie music. FML

#15026784
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22807) - you deserved it (8952)

On 02/18/2011 at 10:25am - misc - by Shodan2112 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

#14969224
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23134) - you deserved it (3490)

On 02/14/2011 at 2:14am - misc - by datingamoron (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was in class when all of a sudden I was hit in the head by a metal pencil case. My teacher threw it at me to get my attention. FML

#14908981
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16504) - you deserved it (31144)

On 02/09/2011 at 1:02pm - health - by ouch - United States (Washington)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML

#14751660
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26828) - you deserved it (4700)

On 01/29/2011 at 12:15am - misc - by Username (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I called the college of my dreams to check the status of my application. Turns out they "never received" copies of my transcripts. They did however cash the $70 application fee that was mailed with them. FML

#14653103
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27367) - you deserved it (2061)

On 01/20/2011 at 7:10pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy who lives on the same floor as me in my apartment complex. I got stood up. Instead I got to listen to him doing the girl who lives next door to me. FML

#14647412
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30004) - you deserved it (2736)

On 01/20/2011 at 3:52am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML

#14639216
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24788) - you deserved it (8720)

On 01/19/2011 at 2:19pm - love - by ugh (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing my dad said to him was "So, how low have you kissed?" FML

#14559001
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30291) - you deserved it (3380)

On 01/12/2011 at 9:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my step-mom asked if I was having some eating issues. I admitted that maybe I've picked up some bad habits from friends and school. Now she won't stop bombarding me with self-help books and therapy websites. FML

#14548248
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9161) - you deserved it (20069)

On 01/11/2011 at 8:04pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I'm getting over strep throat. The antibiotics they gave me make me have diarrhea unless I eat yogurt in between each pill. That wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't lactose-intolerant. Yogurt gives me really bad gas. So I have to choose between painful gas or diarrhea. FML

Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML

#14481844
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23559) - you deserved it (12723)

On 01/06/2011 at 12:57am - intimacy - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Washington)



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