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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

#21138864
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51720) - you deserved it (7005)

On 05/13/2014 at 5:31pm - love - by taintedlover (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom invited me over yet again so I could practice my culinary degree by making an exquisite, gourmet meal for her dog; a three year old Pomeranian who pees in my shoes. FML

#21138238
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37195) - you deserved it (4712)

On 05/12/2014 at 10:46pm - animals - by that_culinary_degree_though (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a birthday package from my parents. It was all the stuff I'd forgotten there when visiting a month ago, along with some other things I'd left behind when I moved out. FML

#21130304
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36190) - you deserved it (5187)

On 05/04/2014 at 6:11am - misc - by chrono19 - United States (Washington)

Today, I was texting a girl I like, explaining how she looks like an attractive celebrity. She responded with a picture of a very unattractive lady and asked if she looked like that. I told her if she had been caught in a burning building, then yes, that would look like her. It was of her mom. FML

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65186) - you deserved it (32620)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife got her period. Every single time, she ends up asking me to go buy her some midol after a few days of trying to tough it out, so I decided to buy her some ahead of time. She reacted by yelling at me for treating her like a child and implying that she couldn't go buy it herself. FML

#21098714
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41449) - you deserved it (4542)

On 03/28/2014 at 5:43pm - love - by unappreciated husband (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

#21097153
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21428) - you deserved it (35801)

On 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm - health - by athletiks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to get out of my boyfriend's car in an angered exit because he got a text from the woman he's been cheating on me with. I ended up tripping on my purse, falling out of the car and face-planting onto the sidewalk. FML

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

#21092620
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34327) - you deserved it (7141)

On 03/21/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by richard (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

#21091119
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37322) - you deserved it (4952)

On 03/19/2014 at 7:19pm - misc - by BigBlue (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after waking up, I walk into the kitchen to see my two-year-old with a blue sharpie in hand as he says, "Look mom, color!" He left no appliance or cabinet untouched in his coloring masterpiece, and I'm still trying to figure out where he got the sharpie from. FML

Today, at work, I was standing around, doing nothing. When my coworker pointed this out, I laughed and said, "It's okay, I'm training for a supervisor position!" Guess who was standing right behind me. FML

#21079043
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33599) - you deserved it (16516)

On 03/05/2014 at 7:36pm - work - by sparkrok - United States (Washington)

Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML

#21062645
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46657) - you deserved it (9167)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:47pm - love - by bruisedandconfused (man) - United States (Washington)



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