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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

#21046118
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58254) - you deserved it (11367)

On 01/31/2014 at 10:29am - intimacy - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

#21012735
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45643) - you deserved it (9331)

On 01/01/2014 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Snufflopagus (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got an e-mail regarding an IT support job I applied to. The e-mail had numerous formatting errors due to bad code, and typos all over the place. It said I wasn't qualified for the job. FML

#21011264
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37045) - you deserved it (2908)

On 12/31/2013 at 3:08am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML

#21008430
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40224) - you deserved it (9577)

On 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm - health - by beemove (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML

#21005822
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35943) - you deserved it (2686)

On 12/26/2013 at 1:48am - misc - by thanks_world - United States (Washington)

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

#20998821
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38954) - you deserved it (4379)

On 12/20/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by whatjusthappened (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out the money my husband's been funneling from our bank account wasn't for drugs or gifts for another girl like I thought. It was for a guy he stupidly believed was a foreign diplomat, who supposedly needed to bribe officials in order to send us several million dollars. FML

#20997988
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38539) - you deserved it (3776)

On 12/19/2013 at 12:20pm - money - by you fucking idiot (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

#20994581
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43363) - you deserved it (6302)

On 12/16/2013 at 11:44am - misc - by abc123 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

#20994387
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31460) - you deserved it (9183)

On 12/16/2013 at 3:52am - animals - by Ramis182 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

#20987288
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42230) - you deserved it (2932)

On 12/10/2013 at 1:04am - money - by thefifthdoctor - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML

#20985907
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45165) - you deserved it (2947)

On 12/09/2013 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

#20980679
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36675) - you deserved it (12443)

On 12/04/2013 at 5:29pm - kids - by Awkward - United States (Washington)

Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they cannot get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML

#20979023
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41099) - you deserved it (6329)

On 12/03/2013 at 1:09am - misc - by Kyle - United States (Washington)



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