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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I had to sit my 13-year-old son down and explain to him that I'd noticed that his pajamas feel a little "crispy" when I pick them up to do the laundry, and ask if he could start using tissues when having some "alone time." FML

#18966482
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35666) - you deserved it (5968)

On 02/01/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by stainseverywhere (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I submitted my 208th job application in less than a year, and went to my 83rd and 84th interviews, only to be told once again that I'm over-qualified for the first, and under-qualified for the second. FML

#18960811
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31672) - you deserved it (2199)

On 01/31/2012 at 1:45pm - work - by hastobeajoke (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML

#18872810
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38970) - you deserved it (4647)

On 01/21/2012 at 5:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were in the shower, we began to get a bit frisky. That was until I lifted my arms and he immediately made one of his "Chewbacca Calls." He was referring to my armpits that I had forgotten to shave. FML

#18867304
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15116) - you deserved it (26362)

On 01/21/2012 at 12:47am - love - by Reliena (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

#18813229
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30787) - you deserved it (24103)

On 01/15/2012 at 7:52am - intimacy - by joeshmoe - United States (Washington)

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

#18798244
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25264) - you deserved it (4086)

On 01/13/2012 at 6:56pm - love - by Sad.To.Be.Me. (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

#18749585
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18738) - you deserved it (33610)

On 01/08/2012 at 7:43pm - intimacy - by caught - United States (Washington)

Today, I walked in on my daughter eating a handful of styrofoam packing pellets, because she thought they were Christmas candy. She's fourteen. What's next, eating rocks? FML

#18588984
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26234) - you deserved it (4338)

On 12/23/2011 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I lost my keys. My roommate locked me out, then yelled at me when I made her come home to let me in. I tore my room apart searching for them, and even went out to search my locker room. When I got home, I glanced at my wall only to find my keys hanging on the hook I set up specifically for them. FML

#18559487
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6865) - you deserved it (33098)

On 12/20/2011 at 3:14am - misc - by phansmootchie (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML

#18553074
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32286) - you deserved it (2554)

On 12/19/2011 at 12:48pm - misc - by stinkyhair (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

#18507550
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24483) - you deserved it (7433)

On 12/13/2011 at 10:45pm - health - by brownunderwear - United States (Washington)

Today, I volunteered to cater an event at school. A little girl asked for a big slice of cake so I gave it to her. She then puked everywhere and her parents blamed me and made me clean it up. The little girl sat there smiling at me while I cleaned. FML

#18504719
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25239) - you deserved it (3145)

On 12/13/2011 at 5:43pm - work - by thathottchickk - United States (Washington)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. As soon as I began to climax, he started repeatedly asking, "Are you done? Are you done yet? Are you done?" Well, NOW I am. Thanks, honey. FML

#18458873
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30070) - you deserved it (3740)

On 12/08/2011 at 5:37am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Washington)



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