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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

#17973373
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30470) - you deserved it (1917)

On 10/13/2011 at 4:17am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML

#17933094
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29443) - you deserved it (2443)

On 10/08/2011 at 2:48am - health - by ohgawd (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

#17892835
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33159) - you deserved it (5362)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:26am - kids - by Ramis182 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

#17874410
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25803) - you deserved it (6103)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered that the ancient looking coin I dug up in my front yard is worth hundreds of dollars. Too bad I found that coin when I was eight years old, and have since misplaced it. FML

#17786535
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24857) - you deserved it (6092)

On 09/20/2011 at 6:07am - money - by Ugh - United States (Washington)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56315) - you deserved it (5565)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML

#17709255
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15143) - you deserved it (31345)

On 09/10/2011 at 3:11am - misc - by FullOfNick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a car backed into mine. I thought that was pretty bad, until another car backed into me right after I'd finished taking the first guy's info. FML

#17701558
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26177) - you deserved it (1784)

On 09/09/2011 at 12:51am - misc - by Mark - United States (Washington)

Today, my husband used our last $2000 to buy himself a motorcycle. It's supposed to "save us a lot on gas money." FML

#17694243
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22643) - you deserved it (2788)

On 09/08/2011 at 1:36am - money - by julesmommy - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML

#17675757
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12888) - you deserved it (24529)

On 09/05/2011 at 10:52pm - health - by wheezy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty, when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, "Tell your friend you're going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here." from his dad. Apparently, I'm not good enough to feed. FML

#17657818
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35021) - you deserved it (7165)

On 09/04/2011 at 12:16am - misc - by Pizza-less - United States (Washington)

Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pounds father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML

#17602503
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28291) - you deserved it (2815)

On 08/28/2011 at 4:27am - misc - by CooBerry3851 - United States (Washington)

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

#17564993
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37347) - you deserved it (3281)

On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)



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