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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML

#19309374
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22333) - you deserved it (4967)

On 03/19/2012 at 7:50pm - money - by moneycatious (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

#19297004
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26900) - you deserved it (4449)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)

Today, I was so bored that I spent two hours researching the history of spoons. FML

#19293540
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21233) - you deserved it (7044)

On 03/17/2012 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

#19249528
603 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24757) - you deserved it (55341)

On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, someone caused over $400 worth of damage by breaking into my car, just to steal $8 worth of beer. FML

#19182487
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29069) - you deserved it (3017)

On 02/28/2012 at 2:41pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML

#19182040
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29834) - you deserved it (2513)

On 02/28/2012 at 1:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML

#19079229
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26811) - you deserved it (1972)

On 02/14/2012 at 8:28pm - kids - by MC Turtledick - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a new job. This would've been a good thing, but apparently, the person I'm replacing was very well-liked around my workplace. All of my co-workers hate me now for replacing someone who I don't even know. FML

#19053682
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26566) - you deserved it (1852)

On 02/12/2012 at 1:02am - work - by That_guy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

#19001319
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24588) - you deserved it (3108)

On 02/05/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by CaityLovesBo - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to treat a cut on my butt hole with Neosporin. I couldn't see it properly, so I had to use the front-facing camera on my phone. FML

#18973546
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19350) - you deserved it (6185)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:57pm - health - by 11niko (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to sit my 13-year-old son down and explain to him that I'd noticed that his pajamas feel a little "crispy" when I pick them up to do the laundry, and ask if he could start using tissues when having some "alone time." FML

#18966482
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35639) - you deserved it (5967)

On 02/01/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by stainseverywhere (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I submitted my 208th job application in less than a year, and went to my 83rd and 84th interviews, only to be told once again that I'm over-qualified for the first, and under-qualified for the second. FML

#18960811
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31651) - you deserved it (2198)

On 01/31/2012 at 1:45pm - work - by hastobeajoke (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML

#18872810
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38945) - you deserved it (4644)

On 01/21/2012 at 5:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)



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