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Today , I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay , I jokingly said , "Well , that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said , "No thanks then." FML
2DAY WHILE I WAS IN THE MIDST OF THE MOST MIND-BLOWING SHOWER SEX EVER, THE FIRE ALARM WENT OFF. MY GIRLFRIEND HAD LEFT THE STOVE TOP ON AN THE ENTIRE KITCHEN HAD CAUGHT ON FIRE. SO INSTEAD OF FINISHING, I FRANTICALLY RAN AROUND NAKED TRYING TO DOUSE THE FLAMES. FML
Today hile I was cuddling with mah girlfriend she looked at me an leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss she screamed "COW KISSES" an somehow managed to lick mah eyeball. FML
Friday 27 March 2015