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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I lost my keys. My roommate locked me out, then yelled at me when I made her come home to let me in. I tore my room apart searching for them, and even went out to search my locker room. When I got home, I glanced at my wall only to find my keys hanging on the hook I set up specifically for them. FML

#18559487
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6604) - you deserved it (32254)

On 12/20/2011 at 3:14am - misc - by phansmootchie (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML

#18553074
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30353) - you deserved it (2402)

On 12/19/2011 at 12:48pm - misc - by stinkyhair (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

#18507550
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22699) - you deserved it (7199)

On 12/13/2011 at 10:45pm - health - by brownunderwear - United States (Washington)

Today, I volunteered to cater an event at school. A little girl asked for a big slice of cake so I gave it to her. She then puked everywhere and her parents blamed me and made me clean it up. The little girl sat there smiling at me while I cleaned. FML

#18504719
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24972) - you deserved it (3119)

On 12/13/2011 at 5:43pm - work - by thathottchickk - United States (Washington)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. As soon as I began to climax, he started repeatedly asking, "Are you done? Are you done yet? Are you done?" Well, NOW I am. Thanks, honey. FML

#18458873
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29764) - you deserved it (3719)

On 12/08/2011 at 5:37am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I noticed I'd mislaid one half of the "Monday" pair of socks from my "days of the week" set that were a gift for my birthday. I'm slightly OCD. I think I'm going to rip the floorboards up if I don't find it. FML

#18449998
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21518) - you deserved it (9181)

On 12/07/2011 at 12:32am - misc - by socks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

#18312960
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34296) - you deserved it (6021)

On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, MS Word kept crashing with a memory error, so I called tech support. Instead of actually fixing the problem, their tech wasted over an hour of my time defragmenting the hard drive, disabling the anti-virus, and downloading new video card drivers from some shady site, before giving up. FML

#18283702
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22305) - you deserved it (2907)

On 11/18/2011 at 7:48pm - work - by I quit (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

#18242720
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21731) - you deserved it (3052)

On 11/13/2011 at 11:46pm - health - by mintypoison (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend of five years was in a bad car crash, and ended up with a concussion. He didn't remember me. At all. But he remembered his other girlfriend he had cheated on me with for two months. FML

#18210187
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47419) - you deserved it (3451)

On 11/10/2011 at 1:22pm - love - by Nicoli - United States (Washington)

Today, I got my period. Last week, I fell out of a window and landed between my legs on a bush; I have massive swelling down there, and stitches over the ripped flesh. Now I'm bleeding out my period on top of the lingering wounds down there. It hurts even to pee, let alone menstruate. FML

#18130985
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42422) - you deserved it (4130)

On 11/01/2011 at 5:50pm - health - by stitchesupmyass (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML

#18126766
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33090) - you deserved it (2230)

On 11/01/2011 at 2:29am - health - by DirtyCharmed - United States (Washington)

Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to condition his pubes. He thinks doing this will make me want to give him more blowjobs. FML

#18123104
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29159) - you deserved it (4884)

On 10/31/2011 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by silkysmooth (woman) - United States (Washington)



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