FMLs submitted from Washington

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

by Nish / 07/03/2013 at 4:11am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML

by dry spell / 07/02/2013 at 12:17pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. 20 minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 12:10am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2013 at 12:44am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2013 at 12:27pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2013 at 11:20am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2013 at 3:11am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML

by moreliketurdmart / 06/03/2013 at 12:48pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML

by redneckfamily / 05/24/2013 at 3:06am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my allergies started up with a vengeance. Yesterday I broke 4 ribs and fractured my sternum. Every time I sneeze, I swear I can feel the broken bones move around. FML

by KatielSilver / 05/20/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Washington) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got my nails, hair, and makeup professionally done for prom. My dad got his camera out, and I presumed he was taking pictures of my date and me. When I looked at the pictures later, they were all of the dog. FML

by rach / 05/19/2013 at 6:33pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I was making tea when I smelled something burning. My very fluffy cat had put his tail right next to the open flame and burnt his fur. Now I have a semi-hairless cat and a very smelly apartment. FML

by AussieG75 / 05/07/2013 at 10:18am / United States (Washington) / Animals