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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

#19363269
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23134) - you deserved it (10308)

On 03/28/2012 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML

#19353440
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21996) - you deserved it (4044)

On 03/26/2012 at 8:17pm - work - by ramis182 - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to re-grade a student's assignments because neither he, nor his parents can read "Spanish." I'd written in cursive. FML

#19324505
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27486) - you deserved it (3575)

On 03/22/2012 at 1:13am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML

#19309374
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20904) - you deserved it (4819)

On 03/19/2012 at 7:50pm - money - by moneycatious (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

#19297004
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26525) - you deserved it (4420)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)

Today, I was so bored that I spent two hours researching the history of spoons. FML

#19293540
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20490) - you deserved it (6911)

On 03/17/2012 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

#19249528
591 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23154) - you deserved it (52910)

On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, someone caused over $400 worth of damage by breaking into my car, just to steal $8 worth of beer. FML

#19182487
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26733) - you deserved it (2814)

On 02/28/2012 at 2:41pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML

#19182040
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27934) - you deserved it (2366)

On 02/28/2012 at 1:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML

#19079229
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24383) - you deserved it (1796)

On 02/14/2012 at 8:28pm - kids - by MC Turtledick - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a new job. This would've been a good thing, but apparently, the person I'm replacing was very well-liked around my workplace. All of my co-workers hate me now for replacing someone who I don't even know. FML

#19053682
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25253) - you deserved it (1739)

On 02/12/2012 at 1:02am - work - by That_guy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

#19001319
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24270) - you deserved it (3092)

On 02/05/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by CaityLovesBo - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to treat a cut on my butt hole with Neosporin. I couldn't see it properly, so I had to use the front-facing camera on my phone. FML

#18973546
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19132) - you deserved it (6154)

On 02/01/2012 at 11:57pm - health - by 11niko (man) - United States (Washington)



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